A followup: My "long-dormant piece."

So recently I wrote a blurb on one of my favorite movies: nobody. Well, like most of my movie “reviews,” I used it as a platform to launch me into my insight of the day. But I haven’t stopped thinking about one of the questions I brought up. At one point in the movie, the main character says “there’s a long-dormant piece of me that so desperately wants out.” It’s the theme of the movie: a repressed something lives in a cage inside of each of us. I kept asking myself “what is my long-dormant beast that I have kept locked in its cage?” 

It honestly felt like I was carrying something around. Like a dead weight or a burden was slung across my shoulders and I couldn’t get it off. It made the movie all the more powerful and I kept wondering why. But I think I found it. I have been reading this book called “the artist’s way,” and it talks about the need to recover your inner child. I think that’s the thing that has been truly missing. I didn’t get it for the longest time, but I’m starting to. 

It was once explained to me like this: the opposite of the inner-child is the inner survivor. While the child wants to splurge on a new Playstation, the inner-survivor wants to save all our money for emergencies, retirement, and so on. I wouldn’t allow myself to eat out, but instead I would make a stop home for rice and ham. 

How boring is that?!Don’t get me wrong, it’s good not to let that inner-maniac have control. Heaven knows the terrible places you would go in the long run if you just did what you suddenly felt like doing! But neither should the inner-survivor be in charge. We were meant to do more than just survive, because we all know that we eventually fail at that too! We were meant to survive for the purpose of thriving. Now, everyone’s “thrive” may look a little different, but the important thing is to truly enjoy the journey. 

What has worked best for me to unlock my “inner-child” has been to intentionally do something that safely goes against the survivor-brain’s impulse. One of the most effective ones has been gaming. I have always been a big gamer, but in recent years it has been a struggle because there is always more to do for my survival-life. There is more money to be made, more wisdom and knowledge to obtain. I could get better at a skill, improve my body, or just plain do something productive. Doesn’t that sound boring? I have found that a little gaming time is good for me. Sure, it shouldn’t take over my life, but maybe a lazy saturday, a sunday-funday, or something small like that is helpful to nurture that creative, and sometimes chaotic, side of me. 

I have also discovered that this is best when it’s done intentionally. You can say “screw it,” and spend the whole day half-heartedly playing a game, or you can sit down with the intent of embodying your fantasy of becoming a shining knight and taking on the forces of darkness! It makes a difference if you know the event is coming, and you block off that time for it. I would encourage you to try it, as it can be quite exciting! 

And as I have given a little space to flex this “kid-muscle,” I have seen the rest of my life start to flourish. I have seen myself become a little bolder. I have started joking more and having more fun with people, giving them more of a hard time. And it hasn’t been too hard to keep this newly found part of me in check either. My naturally-reserved nature holds the reins tight, so focusing on letting go just a little has proven to be the right balance. Sure, I mess it up once in a while, where someone doesn’t like  my style of humor as I thought they would, but one little screw-up isn’t going to kill me, it’s a learning experience! I’ll know for next time. 

I would encourage you to ask that question of yourself: what’s that long-dormant piece of you that so desperately wants out? What have you been over-correcting for? Put yourself into that narrative if it feels like it fits. Where were you in the beginning, and where have you gone with it? Be patient, the answer may not come to you overnight. It has taken me several weeks to really get this idea put together in my head. But if you keep at it, you may make some serious progress that will alter the course of the rest of your life. Who knows, it may prove to be the start of a grand adventure! The only way to know for sure is to find out! I pray you learn to find your inner-dormant-beast and learn how to let him out. I pray this brings you to greater fulfillment in your life. Until next time

May Peace be your guide.