#8 A Recipe for Confidence

I’m about to tackle something really tough: a recipe for confidence. I say tough because I’m mapping territory I haven’t yet mastered myself. So how does one achieve confidence? Well, to do that, we must first understand what confidence is. Confidence is a level of relaxation in a specific area. When you say you are confident about your ability to down three tubs of ice cream, it means that you are resting easy in your ability to do it. 

But you might say that confidence is more of a chest-puffing, fiery feeling, no? I’d say yes and no. That fire stems from the comfort. Wow, that was a mouthful! Let me say it like this. If you are confident that you can down three tubs of ice cream in one sitting, then you will get excited about being able to eat more than your buddy, jake. It’s like having a fork when you need one. It’s exciting that you have what you need when you need it. The idea remains that confidence is comfort, so the first ingredient to confidence is peace. So if you’re feeling insecure, relax. Take a deep breath. 

The next ingredient is inventory. What do you have? What don’t you have? And ultimately, does that really matter? I ask that last question because when we talk about confidence, it’s usually implied that it’s about the things we can do. I think we all have every right to be confident in ourselves, we just narrow our vision too much. We may question our ability to pass this specific math test, but do we ever stop to ask if we have the persistence to take it as many times as needed? I know sometimes you feel like you need the skills here and now, but how often is our situation really that do-or-die? How many times is there another job that you could take, or another person you could date? It may feel like it’s the only option at the time, but most of the time, I highly doubt that’s the case. 

But you might be sitting there, on the other side of your screen, thinking about how this whole “big picture talk” is actually a cop-out for a lack of talent. I mean…yes and no? Maybe it is the case that you are a little lacking in the skills department. Or maybe you are just not looking at the skills you have because things are tough and you aren’t winning at everything. The question, then, becomes: how do you tell the difference between the two?

I’d say the best way is to look at your results and ask for feedback. If you are able to stay afloat in the pool you are swimming in, then you’re doing just fine. Even if you aren’t the most talented in the room, do you at least have enough talent to stay in the game? If you do, then you can keep growing until you are the best there is. Start relaxing, because you’ve got this! And that basically answers the second scenario as well. If you don’t have all of the talent, are you keeping yourself afloat? Are you capable of learning and developing enough to get there? I think these are the questions that need to be asked in order to gain confidence. 

And, at the end of the day, you want to believe that you will make it, right? But why are we so obsessed with making it on the first try? We act like we’re failures if it takes us twelve tries to get our driver’s license. If we counted all the days practicing, it would be a lot more than one, right? Why, then, do we see every stab we take as a do-or-die moment? Maybe we just needed more growth. 

So I pray you find the means to relax. You’ve got this. Whether it’s a specific thing in your life, or the will to never give up (or both,) I believe you’ll get to where you want to be. Take a deep breath. Everything’s fine. Everything’s alright. You’ll get there. Now get out there and unleash the inner champion that you are!

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.