#6 Breakthrough

Sometimes trying to get back up is what you need most because it helps you see things in yourself that have been sitting inside of you all your life. I was thinking about this the other day as I have been going through the new-job jitters. At least, I was until I had a major moment with myself. Let me tell the tale. 

So there I was on Sunday night, preparing for work on Monday morning. It was my second week of the new job and I was already being transferred to a different job site (it was no fault of my own, the project was simply finishing up.) For some reason, the job-jitters this time around were nightmarishly bad, to the point where I sat down at 8:00 PM and prayed “God, give me some clarity, here. If we don’t clear whatever this is up, I don’t know if I’ll make it to bed, let alone through the day tomorrow.” 

It took a bit to get there, but I just started jotting down my thoughts. I kept digging deeper

And deeper

And deeper

It felt like I was at the bottom of the ocean, the pressure building up and nothing really feeling like it would resolve the issues I was experiencing. But then it hit me, and I started jotting down disasters I was afraid of repeating. Strangely, few of them had anything to do with getting fired, but something about clearing up these fears was immensely helpful! I knew in an instant that I had found it, and that I would be able to live free forever more! It has only been a few days, but I feel like my spirits are lighter. I can tell that this healing event was one of the big ones.

(A note from the editor. It has been a few weeks now, and I was right. My spirits have been lighter since that night, and getting lighter by the day. I was right about that night being a big deal.) 

I think sometimes we need to crank up the pressure in order to get to some of those things underneath. I don’t know why I had to feel that kind of pressure, or that was the only way, but I can tell you this much: it certainly has been helpful. I really don’t know if I would have figured myself out if I hadn’t been in that kind of fire. On some level, I’m quite grateful for it. 

But that’s not to say this all was easy. Like I said, I was sprawled out flat on the floor, in desperate need of the means to just survive. I was in rough shape. Even after it all was over, all I could really pray was “God, I will thank you tomorrow, but not tonight. I know I will be grateful for your healing presence in days to come, but right now I’m just too sore from the work.” 

Growing is tricky like that, especially when it comes through pain and suffering. I do believe that a lot of our pain and suffering is a chance to grow, but I can also admit that even the most redemptive stories still take their toll. That’s pretty natural. It’s a tricky line to walk, because we do want to show people the redemption that can be possible through their pain, but we don’t want to force them to feel happy before their time when they’re suffering. 

But maybe the right way to put it is like this: I move with purpose through the pressure. Instead of copping an attitude and asking why these horrible things happen to me, I have started to ask what they are here for. Now I barely question that these bad times are here for a reason, I just have to ask what they are for. I see the problems in my life like a gym now. It’s like I’m asking myself what muscles I need to grow through this one. And I would never have gained this outlook if I hadn’t gone through some of these stressful times. 

And a lot of that pressure comes when you get back up. So don’t run from the challenge, embrace it! Wrestle with it and figure out how you can grow from all the challenges that get in your way. I pray you find the courage to embrace the hardship, and that you continue to find the means to rise again!

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.