#4 Closing the Door

As I wrapped up this chapter, I had one question on my mind: how do I wrap things up well when everything’s such a mess? Normally, I would really clean things up in hopes of leaving well, but certain things just felt like they couldn’t quite patch themselves up. What do you do in those times? I feel like there’s a temptation to recklessly do whatever you have to in order to patch things up, but is that really right? 

I’ll admit that I could have done a better job. My exit was probably a little rough around the edges, but I think there’s one thing that truly matters if you really want to close a chapter of your life, and that’s to forgive. Forgive the people you got into conflict with. Forgive the people that mistreated you, and the ones you mistreated. Forgive life for turning out this way. And ultimately, you have to forgive yourself for any wrong moves you made, and for holding everything against yourself for so long. This is the key step to being able to close a chapter with peace. 

And I’m not necessarily talking just about sitting down with anyone and really hashing things out. Though this can be immensely helpful, I don’t think that’s actually a part of the process. I think it’s just an internal thing. You just have to clear your head of any hate and resentment that’s hanging out in yourself. But if you can sit down and have a conversation or two, that will obviously put you in an even better place. 

But what is forgiveness, anyway? I feel like we act as if forgiveness is saying everything is fine. That’s a lie from the pit of hell, shove that crap right down the toilet! Everything is not fine, nor will it ever be fine. And it’s not saying it didn’t hurt, either. It may still hurt, and continue to hurt for a long time. I like the way John Eldridge puts it in “wild at heart.” He talks about how forgiveness is simply releasing the need to get even and have the weight of it all remain on your shoulders. Basically, you are letting go of the situation in order to be able to move on with your life. It isn’t right, it doesn’t suddenly stop hurting, but you release yourself from the need to do anything but let it go. That’s true forgiveness. 

And you know what? People may not even change! They may keep on being the same hurtful scumbags they always were. But once you learn to forgive them, their persistence actually serves you. It reminds you that you made the right call to close out that chapter, and that there’s no need to second-guess your decision. It’s so easy to question the choice you made, both right as you make it, and later down the road when your new path hits rough spots. “If I just went back, or hadn’t left at all, things wouldn’t be so bad!” You might say. But that thought is wrong. Things got bad, and they were going to stay bad, because some people have problems beyond what you can repair. 

So if you’re closing out a chapter now, take some time to reflect on those hurts. List them. Name them. Write out the ways that you hurt and were hurt. Be as specific as you can. Then, when you have everything listed out, forgive. Say it out loud, write it down, whatever works best for you, just get the idea out. And know that you don’t have to feel like forgiving to start. The feeling will come later, not first. It has to be forced out. But rest assured, you will feel a lot better once it is, and you will be able to confidently walk away from the chapter you are in. 

I pray this finds you well, and that you learn to forgive those around you, as well as yourself. Do it not for them, but purely because it will set you free to walk a better path. I pray for you always, that your day may be healthy.

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.