#11 Doubts

Sometimes, you’ll doubt if you can make it. You’ll doubt if you have the strength for the journey. You’ll wonder if the water you jumped into was actually too deep. You’ll wonder if this is a deep end so deep that you will drown. This is a fear that’s all too real because it’s coming true right before your very eyes. Every conversation about when to quit flashes before your eyes, and you have just about checked every box you have ever drawn up. And still you’re glued to the grindstone, pressed hard against the fires that continue to scorch your skin to the very bone. Forget the frying pan, forget the fire, you are pressed right against the flaming-hot coals that are at the very source. Where do you go from there? Do you press on, hoping you’ll adapt? Or do you attempt to take a step back and tread in shallower waters?

The question of whether you jumped into waters too deep is a valid one. And honestly, I think both the “tactical retreat” and “stick it out and adapt” mindsets make sense. The road you choose is entirely dependent on how you prefer to do things. Personally, I usually walk in at the shallow end. I stand in the 3-foot section for a while, then slowly wade down to the deep end. Then I tread water for a little bit and come back. That’s just how I roll.

And then, there are other people I know that cannonball straight into the ten-foot zone. Oh yeah, they love that sudden blast of cold that hits them all at once, forcing them to tread water as they take it all in. That’s them. Is either one wrong, per se? Probably not. Will one strategy work better for you? Probably, yeah. But could you give the other method a try and have some success? It might take a little more effort, but you could probably make it work. 

But sometimes, doubt creeps in. It’s like a darkness that comes down and smothers you, telling you that you can’t make it. That you won’t make it. Well, if that were true, why would you be so scared about it? I’ll never be able to walk on water, but that doesn’t bother me much. So why is there a sense of terror present? Why does dread haunt you while you sleep? I’ll tell you why: it’s because it’s only half of you that says you’re going to fall. The other half is busy being out there not falling! You’re already making it, and you aren’t being stopped!

But whether you are a deep-end diver, or a shallow-end wader, the one thing you must never be is a poolside napper. Even if you choose to sit by the side of the pool with just your feet dipped in for a while, you are doing better than the one that never gets up to try in the first place. The cold might sting. Swimming might tire you out. But you will never get anywhere if you don’t try at all. And that’s who you don’t want to be: a never-trier. You may fall down. You may have really rough times. But every road that is traveled leads to progress. Not trying, however, gets you nowhere.

So take up your walking stick and embark on your journey! Even if you make a few wrong turns or stumble along the way, the only progress that is truly made is when you are actually trying. Sometimes the best thing we can do is to just get going. Take some sort of step in your own way. Eventually, you will develop your own pace that gets you where you want to be. It may have some drawbacks. You may be told to do it differently. But stick to your own path, and you will be just fine. 

I pray you have the courage, the strength, and the wisdom to get up and moving. No matter how small or big your steps, I pray that you just keep making them. And if you get tired, take some time to look back. Seek some old comforts like your favorite movie, song or hobby. Take a deep breath, and have the courage to truly believe that you’ve got this.

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.