#5 Evolution...or forgiveness?

Up to this point, I feel as though I have been cooking up reasons to justify shortcomings, tolerating them like the school misfit. But is that what we’re really aiming for? Is that all there is? Surely I can’t just be telling you how to give up and settle, right?

Your complaints are correct! Remember, we are trying to evolve, not just accept. To evolve is to morph into something bigger and better. So what is this bigger and better that we wish to achieve? If perfectionism is treating the tiny details like little disasters, couldn’t our evolved mindset see these as little ways we can grow? What if instead of being angry at those little details, we got excited about little ways that things could be better? This shift might seem small, but I believe it would have a huge ripple effect in the long run.

Like I said, the mind of a perfectionist is one that’s all punishment with no reward. It’s details we missed that could be better, that must be better, or it’s all worthless. What if we shifted to a place where things were pretty swell, but could always use a little more polish? I think if we started to get excited about all the ways things could be a little better, it would start by crushing the gigantic towers of frustration. I think we would no longer obsess over the details because we would realize that we are actually doing alright already. To be a perfectionist is to have an eye for detail and when you train that eye with a perfectionist's ferocity, you live in that place. You sometimes don’t realize that you’re actually already doing pretty well as it is. 

Forward drive is the way to sum this up. The more we fall in love with something, rewarding ourselves instead of punishing our mistakes, the more we will be able to do. And although it’s true that there is a love that drives a perfectionist, the need to correct becomes a burden instead of a gift. Playing the guitar should be fun whether you are perfect at it or not. But it should be even more exciting with a freshly tuned set of strings because you know a good sound when you hear one. The act of writing should be enjoyable no matter the day, and even moreson when you find the perfect topic and get in the zone. The process of improvement should be a transition from good to better, not atrocious to passable. 

But how do we really get there? I’m not convinced a new idea like this is just going to magically change your ways overnight. As I said yesterday, I think the first step is still to accept mistakes the way they are. Take a half-focused photo and frame it. Leave a spelling mistake in when you write. Whatever irks you, march valiantly into that thing and live with it for a while. You need to take some time to dull your distaste for the imperfect. So, in other words, your first step is just to forgive. 

But you won’t live there forever. Eventually you will break out and use your ability to notice details for good. But it will be from a place of excitement, rather than of hatred. Once you dig down and clear all the gunk from your gut, you will begin to evolve naturally. Eventually you will be a force of nature with a drive unmatched in all the world. 

Deep down, I think there is an unhealthy source for each perfectionist. I can’t say what it might be for you, but I would venture to say that it’s worth looking into. Block off some time to really reflect on this. When did you notice perfectionism start to plague you? What were you trained to believe about performance and achievement? Ultimately, you will find yourself exploring your beliefs about the worth of a person-both yourself and others. 

I pray this insight has brought you one step closer to your liberation from perfectionism. I pray this beast begins to weaken within you as you evolve into a greater and mightier force for the good of the world.

Until next time

May peace be your gide.