#9 How sloppy?

Perfectionism’s main goal is to do things well. And up to this point, I have been talking about the need to let go of the little failures and the things that could be done better. But if you like something, don’t you want to suck at it a little less? Where’s the balance between obsessing over not-sucking and having fun with something? Oy vey, what a question! 

So what’s the actual problem we are looking at, here? It reminds me of a conversation I have a lot with friends about how we play games. It usually starts with someone saying they just play for the fun of the game, and that they don’t care if they win. This is then swiftly met with a reply of “yeah, but losing’s no fun!” The entire balance between doing something good and having fun with it is a matter of the finished product and the journey to getting there. Sure, there are times when you don’t have to choose, when getting better at something is fun. But that isn’t always the case. So how do we strike the balance between improvement and entertainment in such a way that both sides of us get appeased?

I think the answer is to intentionally set time for both. Do your social skills need work? Take some time to challenge yourself to talk to someone new, and other times to relax and ease up. Be intentional about each and learn how to not jumble them up. Keep your spaces separate for a while. Maybe you spend a little more time talking to people at the grocery store, and talk to people less in the workplace. This will help you channel your desire to grow and your need to have fun. You can let one fully take the wheel whether the other likes it or not. But I think you will eventually find that one enjoys the other’s work.

And here’s the thing: this will help you learn to control your desire for improvement. You will be able to turn it on and off. This will help when you need to be relaxed and the voice of frustration kicks in. When you get that nagging feeling that you could have taken that picture better, you can tell that voice that he’s in the passenger seat and that you will get to it later.

And compartmentalizing is helpful as well because fun and growth don’t always mix. Getting better at something isn’t always fun. Pushing your limits is a stressful thing, and yeah, cutting loose can be a little sloppy. But if you intentionally decide that one is in charge, you can come to expect that the other one may or may not show up, and that’s alright. It’s simply not their time right now. 

So, how sloppy should you be? It depends on the situation. Are you in growth-mode, or fun-mode? Are you looking to stretch your limits, or enjoy them? It all depends on where you are at, just make sure it’s where you’re meant to be, not what feels like taking over in that particular moment. Because if you simply let the ruling feeling win, then you wind up spiraling down the path of violent perfectionism. And, speaking from personal experience, I can guarantee it’s no fun. 

But isn’t that true of life in general? Seems like there’s a time for comfort and a time for discomfort. A time to be tired, and a time to rest. You may need to go through an entire season of uncomfortable growth in order to find true rest. Sometimes that’s what it takes to get us to where we ought to be. Once we’re there, we can coast off of the momentum we gained during those years of struggle. Whether it’s your career, your talent in a particular hobby, or anything else worth having, sometimes a period of uncomfortable growth is in order before we can have fun. The thing I just want to stress is to make sure you can turn off the growth-mode so that you can still enjoy life with others. Ultimately, what good is your skillset if others don’t want to be around you?

So there you have it, a course in sloppiness. I pray you take some time to have fun and some time to grow. Ultimately, this balance will bring you fulfillment and satisfaction.

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.