My Dark Blue Corolla

I believe there is a lesson to be learned from everything. Pick up a leaf, and it will tell you that there is a time to fall from the branches that support you. Look out at a perfectly blue sky, and be reminded to stop and appreciate the things that are always there. But lately, I have been going through cars like kids go through sneakers. It feels like every time I turn around, I’m buying yet another vehicle, barely scraping together the funds because I just bought the last one. You’d think I would be discouraged, but I’m actually at peace with it all. But this wasn’t my initial reaction. I suppose I should tell the story. 

I got this 2005 Toyota Corolla about a year ago. It was up there in miles, and so beat up you would have thought it had been in some sort of car-boxing championship! It wasn’t much, but it was mine. And best of all, it was a Corolla, meaning it was set to last forever. Well, as my roommate always says “if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans.” I didn’t even get this car to 200k miles (aka that point where most regular cars start to fail,) before she got rear-ended while I was driving to work. Thankfully, no people were hurt, but the back of my car was smashed up pretty good. And while she wasn’t looking very good, she still ran pretty good. Nevertheless, I quickly got the email that she was a total loss, and my heart started sinking. 

I wasn’t upset that I had to go get another car. Heaven knows I had done enough shopping by this point. No, what was bugging me was my pride. “Man, look at you! You can’t even keep a car for more than a year! Who could ever depend on you?” That was the first thought that popped into my head. I wrestled with this for several days, when I finally woke up to a freeing realization. “Look at you! You’re assuming you can play god, controlling the universe to bend to your will!” The thought was liberating. 

Sometimes our yellow-brick road is just on the other side of pride. When you free yourself from the need to play god, good things come your way. I’m not saying you’ll get a brand new ferrari, a mansion, and a million-dollar salary, but you’ll be free from the fear and the responsibilities you couldn’t ever measure up to. You’ll leave the part of God to be played by God, and you’ll be able to effectively be who you can be: a responsible person! 

It still sucks that I had to go through the whole rigmarole, draining all the savings accounts and whatnot, but it was a moment where I decided to let go of the outcome and focus on the part I played in the story. And, you know what: I did pretty well! Had I known the future, I would have acted differently, but I didn’t. No one does. We could cook up a hundred what-if scenarios, but we never know which would actually come to pass. I did the best with the resources I was given, and the rest I tossed into the wind. 

But that was the other lesson I learned from this car: God takes blessings to give upgrades. We often cling to half-finished works, acting like they’re the final product. That job you landed might have just been a nice rest stop, those friends might have been just what you needed to pull yourself together. But the same water that softens the potato hardens the egg, and we must learn to accept that. Getting comfortable in my beat-up Corolla was like going to sleep on the bench of a rest-stop. Sometimes God gives us good rest-stops, and means for us to travel to a nice hotel tomorrow.

Eventually, my mechanic and I found another Corolla. Except, this one was four years newer, with a better stereo, a smoother drive, and even my favorite light-blue color! But something weird happened that morning I had to go shopping that brings this all together. That morning, I shot out of bed. I was ready for combat. I thought to myself “If there were ever a day that I’d need prayer, it would be today, the day of battle!” So I immediately jumped into my bible for devotions. I was in the psalms, and this particular day led me to psalm 20:4, which reads “may He give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed.” I was struck by the question: what is the desire of my heart? The only factor I had ever truly wanted in a car was an immortal one, and since that wasn’t an option, what could I possibly want? 

The question stumped me for a hot second. “I guess good gas mileage. Can I ask for that? Slightly tinted windows would be nifty. Maybe a smoother drive, nice sound system, I guess that’s it?” I eventually felt this question subsiding, though still unsure of what it all meant. But after a rough start, we got our shopping started. Oddly enough, we wound up back at the dealership we bought my last car from. We liked the guy, and a listing that fit my needs came up in our search engine. So off we went, chuckling at the fact that we were heading back to our buddy. Oh, and did I mention he was a christian?

So we gave his car a test-drive, and sure enough: it was the one! And as I spent the next few days breaking in my fancy new ride, I remembered that morning. Then, suddenly, it hit me: all those things from that list came to pass! I not only got it all, but even more! I hadn’t even listed that bright-blue color I wanted for the exterior. And then the question from that morning of hit me. I saw that morning in the psalms like it was a christmas morning. I saw that question as God telling me to shake my present, and guess what was inside! I sat like a deer in the headlights as this realization sank in. Even re-reading it in editing brings me to tears. I love my christmas present, and I love my heavenly dad that gave it to me. I can’t thank Him enough. 

God wants to give us upgrades, but sometimes we can’t have them until we make room for them. The garage has to be emptied, the schedule has to be cleared, and sometimes the friends list has to be shifted. In the heat of the moment, we often don’t get it. We think God is being a jerk, taking our good things from us. We act like He wants to ruin our fun. Not so! He wants to multiply it. I’ve seen more than my fair share of destruction, and I’m starting to get used to it. Rarely is it easy, and it never comes without tears. Just because you’re getting something better does not mean you didn’t have it good, so feel free to acknowledge the sadness. But never doubt that something far better is on the way. Just give it time and you will see: the King of kings is also the King of gift-giving. 

And as fun as a nicer car is, this is even bigger than just a new set of wheels. When darkness closes in, I’m reminded of times like these. Times where I’m robbed of a good thing, only to be handed a better one. When threats come snarling up onto my doorstep, I almost start yawning. “Yeah, yeah! I’ve been here before. Yawn. Next!” I’ll say to my enemy. Sure, there’s still pressure. Things still have to get done, and it’s tiring. But the fear, the apprehension, the “I’m going to die!” feeling has slowly started fading away, replaced by excitement because I serve the God who is in charge. He can use those bad times for good, for upgrades. You just need to be willing to let Him do His thing.  I pray this enriches your life, playing as hopeful a reminder to you as it has been to me. Moments like these form the walls of my castle when the floods pour. They still batter, I still bruise, but I no longer crumble, because I know that God has my back. And when things break, as they often do, I can rest assured that God has a better gift on the other side of this mess. So take heart and hold on for dear life, and you too will see what better gifts He has for you. 

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.