#2 Of Future and Past

One of the big hurdles we face when getting back up is assuming that everything will be the same as it was before. It’s like we are throwing on the same movie, or trying to beat that level that stumped us in our favorite video game. One way or another, we assume that things are going to be exactly as they were when we fell. And usually we wind up in a state of terror because we believe that history is doomed to repeat itself. The key to rising again is overcoming the terror that comes with the idea that nothing will ever change. 

Here’s what I mean. Let’s suppose you are getting back up from a really bad relationship. You tell yourself that you are going to commit to getting back into dating so that you can complete those final stages of getting on with your life. But you find yourself freaking out at problems that aren’t really there. You start anticipating disasters that aren’t happening, or perhaps never even will happen. You might even get confused comments from friends as they tell you that you are freaking out over nothing. The fact of the matter is that you are reacting to your memories of the last time this happened. Your brain is basically telling you that this is the part before the bad thing happens, and that you’d better do something about it. 

Here’s my own example. I’m now in a new construction job. My last one didn’t go so well, and I keep anticipating those disasters happening all over again. As of now, I haven’t been working there long enough to have anyone say anything, but I can feel those feelings rising within me. Certain things make me nervous. I keep thinking my boss will be a big fat jerk, when he has been nothing but nice to me. I keep thinking coworkers will give me the cold shoulder, when everyone has actually been quite helpful. In short, I keep assuming that this time will be like last time. 

And if we are going to truly begin the journey of getting back up, we need to start here. This is a pit that our minds fall into that keeps us stuck in place. There are ways to change and grow, no doubt. But I want to save those for later entries. Because if we don’t start here, we will wind up going in circles around ourselves. We will go on plenty of adventures, but never feeling like we have changed anything because we have never truly gotten ourselves unstuck from the mud pit we are actually stuck in.

This has been a huge lesson for me over the last several years. When I realized this in my times reflecting, it began a massive chain reaction that cultivated a staggering amount of growth. Honestly, probably 90% of my growth was just from this realization alone. And you don’t need to overpay a therapist to tap into this. Just jot down how things used to be, and then point out all of the differences in your circumstances between then and now. For an added bonus, write down how much you have grown since then. That will make a massive difference as well. 

But this doesn’t just apply to the bad things. Though it does a lot of work with that, it also helps with expectations. Your old job may have had a free coffee bar that you really liked. It might lead you to tell yourself that if your new job doesn’t have a cappuccino maker onsite, then it’s a complete downgrade. You may get really hung up on having a cappuccino in the morning, and feel lost without it. Thoughts like these might lead you to forget about all of the good that your new opportunities have brought you, because you are simply fixated on the old ones. 

It’s important to remind yourself that the same degree of good might be found in some different ways. Your new dating partner might not be able to make you laugh like your old one used to, but they might be a far better cook! Your new job may not let you sit around all day, but has far friendlier people around! It’s important to be open to new ways of life, and to be able to bring yourself to that point where you can be open-minded, comparing the situation to your ideal instead of your past. 

So I would encourage you to take some time to remember your past. Sink into the nitty-gritty of what it was and wasn’t so that you can begin to learn how to pick yourself up. I pray insight finds you this day, and that you take the first step on this journey of learning how to pick yourself up!

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.