#3 Old Pieces

Sometimes getting up is hard. You might get knocked out flat on the floor, out cold in the face of defeat. You lick your wounds and get rid of all the bad habits, but it turns out those bad habits were the legs you were standing on. You feel the call to get back up, but there’s no energy in you. You still feel the call to pick up where you left off, but where do you fuel up if you aren’t dependent on the same old vile fuel you once used? How do you learn to thrive in the same environment that only made sense when you were a monster? How do you get back up when the old you is dead? 

The first option is to quit. Maybe you get up and decide that you weren’t actually meant to get up anyway. You could write an entirely new chapter, come up with a new dream, and rewrite your entire story from scratch. It’s tempting, but could you really do it? Who’s to say you won’t gravitate back to the same spark that made you want to get up again? Who’s to say we were supposed to get back up at all?Still, if you don’t find some stronger motivation fast, you’ll be toast. Burnt toast. The icky kind that no amount of butter and cinnamon-sugar can salvage. So what do you do? I think the only answer is to look to what got you back up in the first place, and to cling to wisdom where you once held fast to vice. The fact of the matter is that you are not immortal. Your dysfunctional way of doing things pushed you. But maybe it pushed you too hard. And although it sent you to greater heights than you can go to today, you paid a great price to get to those heights, and ultimately it’s a big part of what knocked you out flat in the first place. 

Oy vey, I just got poetically vague. I can hear the voice of my mother asking “what does that mean?” I think part of getting back up is doing the things we used to. We try our hand at dating again, we return to the career that failed us, or we take one last stab at dieting. And if you are out of the game long enough, you have had some time to reflect. Maybe you have done a fair amount of changing as a person, and you are in a far better place. But then you try your hand once again at whatever it is that bested you. You try it again and try to use the same motivators. You get back into those old scenarios and you start to feel the old you tugging on your leg. And sometimes it feels like you need to be that old you to thrive. After all, it got you at least part of the way, right? Maybe being the old you works for a little, but since a lot of that is from the old you, it isn’t really enough. What do you do then? 

I think the solution is to let go of the need to be as motivated as you once were. A new drive will show up in due time. After all, why did you decide to get back up in the first place? Something will definitely spring forth in your spirit, but you have to give it the room to grow. And I think the key to finding that source is not to go looking, but to be wise and tend to your wellbeing in the meantime. Take adequate time to rest, block off some time for comfort, do whatever you must to protect your sanity and wellbeing. In due time, your drive will boil over, and you will discover not only why you don’t want to quit, but why you want to push forward. You’ll find your reason to fight this battle, and why it means something to not be conquered by it. 

So admit that you’re tired. Admit that it’s hard. But remind yourself of the reason you wanted to return. Remind yourself of that spark, of why you ultimately want to get back up, and become a superstar. New buds will grow, but you can’t force them to. In due time, everything will make sense. I know this sounds corny, floofy, or maybe even a little oddly specific, but here’s the thing: those breakthrough moments can only happen as we jump into the middle of living out our lives. They spark at random sometimes. If you just keep going, what’s left of your desire will grow and carry you through. You may not feel that overwhelming drive like you once did, but wasn’t that part of what knocked you out anyway? 

So take time to rest, recuperate, and do what you must to live again. Rest and relax, seek comfort. And in no time at all, you’ll be back stronger than ever! I guarantee it. Because if I can do it, so can all of you. I pray that inspiration, wisdom, and courage find you. I pray you find what it takes to finish getting up, and to get back on track stronger than ever. I pray you are blessed today.

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.