#6 Spectator Sport

“Life is not a spectator sport. If watching is all you’re going to do, then you’re going to watch your life go by without you.” 

What a great quote! It’s my favorite quote in all of cinema history. It’s one of those things that rings like a church bell from the deepest part of my soul. And there would be nothing fair about doing an entire series on this movie without dedicating at least one entire post to this quote. 

You see, the trouble with bell towers is that sometimes they lead us to complacency. We get all comfy-cozy, curled up in our blankets by the TV, canceling plans left and right. All to feed our subtly-growing addiction to comfort. The problem is that this place is where we stay, and eventually we need more and more comfort in order to keep that feeling alive. Then, after a while, it just becomes a beast that gobbles us up like fresh grapes! 

For me, this has been a struggle because I so often feel content just quietly watching people. I don’t like it when they ramble, but I am more than content to sit quietly in the back of the room, quietly observing life as it goes on around me. Sometimes I even feel like I get to know others better when I don’t have to interact, because trying to tread the waters of conversation feels like it’s sucking some of the energy out of me. Energy that I could be using to really get to know someone. Because of this, I have been thinking a lot about this quote, and how to reconcile it with my personality, ultimately to really live out the message. Here’s what I have come up with. 

Think about your favorite sport for a second. Maybe you play one, maybe you are heavily invested in watching one. Whatever the case, one thing that we all know is that there is so much of the sport that goes on off the field. There are players to get excited about, people to banter with about teams, and not to mention practice after practice after practice. Then there are jerseys to buy, watch-parties to plan, the list of things goes on and on. My point is this: there is so much “sport” that goes on outside of the actual “sport.”

So here’s what I think that translates to: assertiveness and expectations. It’s taking the time to know what you would like to see from people. Going along with that, it’s speaking up to show them who you are as well, authentically meeting people on mutual terms. Translation: it’s meeting them in a way that shows them you as well. It’s an exchange of information where you spend part of your time reaching for the information on who they are, and the other part showing them exactly who you are. And you are doing this not only with what you say, but how you act and what you agree to as well. Ultimately, you are jumping into a live dance, weaving yourself in between another person in a new and dynamic way that no one, including yourself, has ever seen before. 

I used to think that relationships were like possession in sports: only one team can have the ball at a time. In my mind, we either went to your party, or my movie. It didn’t seem to compute that people could create a foundation of mutual enjoyment. For me, it always had to be give or take. And, for a while, I got tired of the power struggle. So I threw the baby out with the bathwater, and gave up on people. But eventually I started learning how to make friends based on things that we both really liked doing. And, in doing so, let them take part in making the event happen. It has truly felt like co-creating something with someone. It has been fun to watch. 

And this process all started with a lot of no’s. I had to turn down a lot of parties and events that just didn’t float my goat. I felt like I was walking off a cliff some days, with all the things that I was turning down. But I realized that when I met people on my own terms rather than just theirs, the connections felt far more genuine. And I didn’t really miss the ones that didn’t really seem to work out. I’d still love to have people that are closer, but those people don’t always make sense, so I keep them where they belong: at arm’s length. But, in doing so, I have opened other doors to better opportunities. Far better options have arisen because I have learned how to take back my power with a few no’s. 

Ultimately, we have to circle back and remind ourselves why we leave the bell tower of complacency in the first place: to bring someone back with us. We have to go to the occasional party, or strike up a conversation with a stranger now and then. The reason? We do it all in hopes of letting someone in. So that we can introduce them to our bells and show off our wooden carvings. 

And if we happen to discover an angel smiling down upon us, then we may even give them the highest honor we can bestow: showing them the unfinished parts. Those sculptures that still need painting and those parts of us that are still in the making. Yes, the highest honor, the deepest, most glorious part of the bell tower is the part of us that’s still in the works. Being able to share that with someone is why we leave the belltower. 

And I really wish I had the formula for getting out there and making friends. Unfortunately, it’s still a bit of a mystery to me. All I know is that you can’t expect your next best friend to come out of nowhere and knock on your door (and, let’s be honest: even if they did, we’d reject them because that’s just creepy.) So get out there and get some exposure to some real people! Get in life’s splash zone and really see what becomes of it! You don’t have to live outside of your bell tower, but maybe go to a feast of fools once in a while! Enjoy a topsy-turvy day every now and again! Try to make the most of it, to really enjoy it as best you can. And maybe then you will find the results, the growth and the adventure that calls out your name. 

I pray this post fills you with inspiration. That you go on your merry way, preparing for your every match in the sport of life!

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.