The Shadow

A man stands. His back faces the sun. Not facing the sun is common sense, as who stares directly into the scorching light? It’s blinding! But there’s a problem here. As he stares at the shadow cast by his figure, he fixates on the darkness. He stands there, obsessed with the blackened frame as night falls. And, as it does, his frame only gets darker until suddenly the entire world becomes that blackened glob of emptiness. His fixation becomes the only thing he knows, and suddenly he proclaims “there is no such thing as light! For, if there were, why can’t I see it?”

This metaphor sounds quite obvious when I tell it like that, but can I be honest with you? Sometimes my life is like that. Hope is right there, standing at the door. He’s waiting to get in and change every part of me. And yet, I fixate on the darkness, as if to say it has more power than the light. “Dear God, look at this mess I have made! It’s huge! How could anything be done about this catastrophe set upon me?” My spirit cries aloud, tormented by my circumstance. Like Peter stepping out of the boat, I fix my gaze not on the power of He who called for me, but on the challenges at hand. I fixate on the problem, instead of the solution. 

How often do we do this in our own lives? We act as though positivity is something that simply drops into our laps, rather than being earned. We have to fight for the good, fight to stay positive, fight to be happy. Happiness isn’t an act of luck, it's a muscle we build. It’s a perspective we shift. It’s an enemy we resist. I’m not saying I’m perfect at it, heavens no! In all things, I am the mapmaker, not the adventurer. But this I know: all the best things in life don’t happen by accident. 

When I was in high school, I made a lot of youtube videos (many of you that remember them know my questionable sense of humor, and how it got me into trouble on more than one occasion.) I had a mentality that I learned to follow. I told myself that sometimes the journey would suck. Sometimes, especially early on, it would feel awkward and uncomfortable. I stuck to a schedule, and just made videos. I did this for almost a year, and when it came time for senior speeches, I got up and crushed it! I had spent so much time practicing my art form that I had gotten good, and eventually started even enjoying it. 

Why do I tell you this story? I say it because I learned to develop joy. It takes introspection, development, and training. My “joy muscle” had to grow stronger. It’s easy to be grumpy, miserable and angry. That’s why so many people fall into it, why so many become snippy, and nip at you with pessimistic comments. You have to learn not to engage with them. Only when it’s absolutely necessary should you even try to change someone’s mind. There is a time and a place for it, but it’s not “always,” and “everywhere.”

I compare soaking in joy to healing my warts. Can I use this comparison? I used to have them pretty bad. By 15, my right hand was covered, and it was starting to spread to my left. To cure it, I started putting salicylic acid on them. It irritated me a little every now and then, but it mostly just looked funny. I would go into work with hands covered in white scales. One person even thought I was a painter. That made me laugh! But, over time, the layers began to shed. Joy seeped in and started removing the unwelcome infection. From time to time, a piece would fall right off, never to return. Other times, I would see something I would need to put a little effort into, and would spend time working on my own healing. 

Though it may seem as though I have veered off-topic from the initial story of the shadow, I believe it’s all

connected. Nobody wants to stare into the light. Some would say it’s blinding. It reminds me of how my friend’s dad would wake us up on sleepover saturdays. He would crack open the door, flip the light switch, and walk out. My friend and I felt the sting on our eyes as we awoke to the morning light. And yet, we need that light in order to function. Part of us wants to be in the light because we know it is from where good things flow. I believe we need to be intentional about turning ourselves back towards hope, goodness, and joy. Because of the blinding nature of light, and the comfort of darkness, turning back towards the light needs to become a discipline. And, if we practice it when times are good, the dark nights will be bright, and the days will be even brighter. After all, even the darkest night still has the moon for comfort. 

I have an exercise that I use to keep myself on track. Whenever I start feeling crushed by the darkness, I sit down and write out reasons I have to hope. Sometimes these are “it’s not so bad because…” Sometimes I have to use blunt force, and stubbornly remind myself that hope is still alive. Whatever the case, it’s important to remember that hope, the hope that lasts, is a weapon. Learn to wield it well, and it will serve you well. I pray this enriches your life, and enhances your wellbeing.

Until next we meet

Cheers!