#6 The thing about feeling small...

I think everyone has felt a little small at least once in their lives. It’s completely natural. But have you ever felt small without really being sure why? Or maybe your reason didn’t feel like it was big enough? Whatever the case, something just wasn’t adding up. Everything felt like it was crumbling down around you, but when you thought about it then you’d find that the culprit was nowhere in sight. Much like the fog, you could see it when you were trying to focus on something else, but if you were to try to catch it, you’d always wind up saying “Dangit, I myst!” (I simply had to toss in that awful pun and I’m not sorry about it.)

But back to the question: what if it feels like you have a problem when you can’t seem to spot one. What if you were like Runt, the biggest pig in town, and still afraid of his own shadow? Where is that disconnect coming from and how do we resolve it? I think I have the answer. I’d like to encourage you to chew on this idea and see if it fits. 

I think it all comes from a need that’s going unmet. And I’m not just talking about the “need” to hit a home-run or eat donuts. I’m talking about the need to feel safe, valued, and protected. It’s those deep-seeded needs that are in all of us that aren’t getting tended to. And not only are they not being tended to, they are being kept from us. Either because people make us feel like we can’t go get them, or because we don’t realize that they are going untended to, those needs aren’t getting met. 

But they should be met! No if’s, and’s or but’s about it! These things are essential to living! They are as real as the need for food, water, and a roof over your head. There may be times when you have to compromise on other things in life, but these things should never be compromised on. You should not risk homelessness, you should not risk starvation, and you should never risk damage to your mind and heart. 

Here’s an example. My new job has really been a struggle for me. All the scruffy folk means a ton of yelling. Sometimes it’s in good fun, other times we can’t hear each other over the loud machines, and other times it’s because tempers are flying. Thankfully, I’m still a nice enough guy that I haven’t been going around making people mad, but I’m still new and panic-ey enough that sometimes my new-ness tests people’s patience. On those days that I get especially tense and uncomfortable, I remind myself that I have the power to get up and leave whenever I want. I will confidently face the consequences and setbacks of marching out the door and never coming back. 

This usually brings me back to my senses as I ask myself “why would I quit now? I want my license and I’m actually doing quite alright!” But it’s that reminder that brings me out of my state of panic and back to reality. It empowers me to know that I can handle the situation I’m in, that I can do something about it. Some days I get close to making good on that claim, but so far it’s just the thought that has rescued me. That’s all that matters sometimes. 

I have also been thinking about the old idea that we have to “pay our dues” to get somewhere in a career. I think people mean to use it to justify the little things like long drive times and odd hours, maybe a borderline case here and there like a cranky boss. But if you encounter an extreme like a boss that asks you to work in the hot sun with no water, or a company that threatens to fire you on a regular basis, then it’s time to tell yourself that you aren’t going to take it! A line must be drawn sometimes, because some things shouldn’t be put up with in this life. 

And I’m not trying to justify being a baby. An 8-hour shift at Starbucks isn’t abuse, even during the holidays. I’m talking about times where your sanity truly starts slipping away and you consider doing something extremely harmful or rash. Dreams can rapidly warp into nightmares if you aren’t careful, so it’s important to always be willing to give up the path you are walking if it’s causing you to spiral. Never put your basic needs above anything. Never let anyone or anything make you feel small for any reason. If something makes you feel like less of a person, then that thing is not worth having. 

Because if there’s anything that Chicken Little has taught me, it’s that being small is not an actual limitation. Whatever you are facing will come with its own set of challenges, but each of those challenges can be faced with courage and gusto. And if it starts to feel like the sky is falling around you, it might be someone’s stupid panel that they haven’t gotten fixed. It might not have to do with your size at all! Or it may be that there is something else going on inside of you. It could be that you have a need for closure, maybe a father that you feel doesn’t accept you or something like that.

So refuse to give up those essential things in life. Refuse to part with your sanity like your life depended on it! Because even though it might seem like you can get away with pushing it aside, it will bite back in some terrible ways. I pray you have the courage to keep yourself from feeling small. That you refuse to part with your health and your mind as they propel you into greater tomorrows. 

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.