#11 True Freedom

I have often found the times where I am the busiest are the times I feel the most trapped. How can that be? I’ll get out there and be amongst the people, I’ll say yes to the parties and spend time with friends and the whole nine yards, and yet I still feel stuck in a bell tower. How does that work? Let’s unpack this, shall we?

If you’re anything like me, spending most of your time alone, you can get used to being in complete control of life’s dynamics. Everything happens when you want it to, how you want it to. No if’s and’s or but’s about it. But when you are out in the world, there are more forces at play, so the dynamics may feel a little more rocky. Think about it like going from driving a car to sailing on a boat. There’s nothing wrong with the back and forth that comes with being on water instead of land, but it’s an adjustment that has to be made all the same. That’s part of what’s going on. 

But if you have been living under the reign of a Frollo, you might also be a little sheepish. Not all excursions outside the bell tower are created equal, and we have to learn to bring ourselves to the table there too. You might get invited to a party where there’s lots of drinking and loud music. You can say no to that one and choose to either stay home or find company elsewhere. You might get invited to spend time with a friend who doesn’t like The Hunchback of Notre Dame. They shouldn’t even be on your friends list.

The bottom line is to be alright with saying no. As good as it is to get out of the bell tower, not every invitation is worth accepting. You need to keep a healthy relationship with your bell tower so that you can have the freedom to say no to stuff that won’t be good for you. And I have found that once you start saying no to some things, the things you say yes to become a little more worthwhile. You can genuinely be yourself because you want to be there. After all, you have the power to leave at any time if you wanted to. It may sound like magic, but everything starts falling into place when you get comfortable saying no. 

But this may take a little practice. It may feel weird or even bad at first. I know I have had times where I have felt like I couldn’t say no unless someone was dying elsewhere. Then I started making my reasons less extreme. “Homework is an ok reason to say no, right?” I would say to myself. And after a little while, I finally found the courage to tell people “you know what? It’s nothing personal, I’m just really tired.” Yes, you can do that to people sometimes. 

Sometimes.

That’s an important word to remember. Because if you get too used to saying no, you’ll wind up back in your stone prison. How do we find the balance? Well, I think it’s by looking deeper. If you find yourself saying no all the time, there may be something going on in your head. Maybe you’re nervous to really be out there. Maybe there is something from your past that needs healing. I can’t say what it is for you, but I know that it’s worth looking into for yourself. 

So I pray you learn to truly get out there. There’s a big, bright and beautiful world out there just waiting to be cherished and enjoyed. It may take effort, and maybe just a little bit of adjusting, but no one wants to stay cooped up forever. So get going! And know that you’ll always have help if you need it along the way.

Until next time

May Peace be your Guide.