#4 Weakness

What, then, do we do with weakness? Can we take our shortcomings and forget about them under some excuse of being on the right path? Not really. Weaknesses still matter, but we have to start asking ourselves how much. Does your shaky hand keep you from painting, or simply bug you? Is the cat sitting on your lap annoying, or keeping you from doing anything at all? (Yes, my cat still pounces on me daily.) The point is: is this going to ruin your entire operation, or just your picture-perfect plan for the day? 

And while this sounds like an easy thing to say, what does that look like? Here’s a little hack you could try. The next time the perfectionistic urge shows up, imagine yourself sticking with the failed attempt. Even if it’s imperfect, even if it has those imperfections that ruin it entirely, imagine yourself sticking with it. The thought may horrify you at first. You may feel you’d rather taste the sweet release of death. But if you stick with this idea long enough, you will realize something: you’re still alive. Sure, things could have been better. They always could be. But they aren’t so bad that they truly lived up to the disaster that you first imagined them to be, and I’d say that’s progress. 

All this helps you to do one thing: overcome the hurdle that tells you to quit. You need to get in touch with what you love doing and why. Eventually you will want the voice of criticism back, but not to such an extent that it crushes you. Remember: car maintenance is still valuable, just not all the time. It’s only when your car can’t get from A to B safely that you really need to panic. 

And as strange a thought as this can be, I like to remind myself that the law that the Pharisees obsessed over was given to them by the divine and perfect God. Weird thought, right? How did a blessing from a perfect God turn into the greatest vice? Obsession. The need to improve yourself is a good thing, but when it becomes the reason you live, that’s a bit of an issue. And isn’t that the nature of perfectionism? Isn’t it, at its core, just an obsession with a tiny detail? I think we’re onto something here. 

So to be perfectionistic is to be obsessed with the details. The details that feel like they don’t fit snug as a bug into the big picture. Guess what? That’s life! Nothing ever fits perfectly! But since we perfectionists are so good at pointing out flaws, when do we give that eye for flaws its time to shine? How do we know when to acknowledge a problem and when to let it slide? How do we tell the difference between a driving hazard and a cosmetic flaw? How do we know when to let that perfectionist impulse have its day?

A great question indeed! The simplest answer is when things are failing and progress is slowing down. Those little details that feel like they need to be fixed are like pebbles on a bike path. If you’ve ever been biking, you have probably run over one of those tiny rocks without even thinking about it. Compared to the speed of your wheels, it was no big deal! But if you have ever tried to bike down the path less traveled, you’d also know that a lot of those little things can become a massive problem. 

And while we’re on this metaphor, it’s also good to consider how sturdy your ride is. A pebble is no match for a good bike, but I guarantee you that same pebble would wipe me out on my skateboard. It’s good to think about how well things will go. Maybe you’re planning a party with guests that wouldn’t mind if you invited one more person. Maybe you are working on a song that’s serious enough that you couldn’t suddenly break into upbeat, vibrant jazz. Whatever the case, consider the context, and figure out how forgiving it is. 

Overall, the key to evaluating weakness is to look at the bigger picture. Is this a repeat offense, or a one-off? Did you have an oops moment, or is this becoming a pattern? And look for obsessions. Are you zeroing in on one bad detail in an otherwise beautiful scene? Are you so fixated on the one thing that went wrong that you aren’t seeing the hundreds of things that went right? Maybe things aren’t so bad after all. Maybe we’re actually doing alright. I pray this post has blessed you, beginning your journey to overcoming perfectionism. I pray you live to see brighter days, unencumbered by the beatdown of your inner critic

Until next time

May piece be your guide