READ

One of the best decisions I made was to start reading. It helps get more advice from more people than you could have gotten otherwise. Read like a son looking for stories from his elders. Even if it’s just their mistakes, they can teach you where not to go. 

For a while I have wondered, even prayed, “why God didn’t bring more people into my life. I have heard story after story of those who have had people around them to support and mentor them. Why don’t I have that?” I would often pray after hearing someone else’s story. But then I remembered that having lots of people around means having to do a lot of socializing, and I’m not a fan of that. So I’m fine now.

But the need for wisdom is still there, and that’s why I love reading. Sometimes you don’t have the time or people around you to make those 1-on-1 moments happen. Sure, it might be better if we did, but sometimes that just isn’t a possibility. Other times you simply want to fill a specific time slot, like winding down in the evening. A good book can fill that perfectly without having to take up someone else’s time. Whatever the case may be, I have found good books to be an excellent substitute for a father’s wisdom. 

Don’t get me wrong: I’m not saying it’s a perfect replacement for the dad you never had, but it can certainly help to fill in a few of the gaps. You can get everything from the research of scientists to the personal stories from the common man (like me!) If you learn to read like you are interacting with the person, you can grow a whole lot from making reading a part of your regular life. If you are like me and still don’t fully enjoy it, have designated times. Set a timer if you have to. Get creative in finding ways to keep a regular reading schedule. What has worked best for me is reading during the week when I don’t have time to watch tv or play a video game. This is twice as nice when I don’t have anything I am itching to watch. I already have a list of books I want to read just waiting for me, and I find there is more guilt in letting that reading list get long than missing the newest episode of a show. It always nags at me until I dig back into my reading. Then I drink that sweet sense of fulfillment. It isn’t the “I just ate a snickers” type of feeling, but the “just got out of a cold shower” feeling. It’s pride that I did the thing I know I ought to, and that I’m more of a person for it. 

The trick is finding the right kinds of books. I suggest an audible account or visiting your local library. Find a topic you want to deepen your understanding of, maybe a style of writing you really respect and just start exploring. What I liked doing was going to local bookstores and buying cheap stuff from the used section. That way you don’t have the pull to read the hottest new thing on the market, but you still get something of quality. I like to raid 2nd and Charles' used and clearance sections. Books from there don’t typically go over $10 a piece, and typically hover around $5 each. A few weeks of downtime for under $5 seems like a pretty sweet deal to me! And I have found some decent stuff that has changed my life! The trick is to accept what is and isn’t in front of you, rather than trying to find the perfect thing, and for someone who doesn’t know much about what’s out there, this was an easy mindset to adopt. 

Overall, I think books have been one of my top dad-recovery tools, and I want to highlight the one book that has probably done the most for me: the bible. I usually start each day with the bible, so I didn’t originally count it as part of the same reading, butt it still counts because everything else I have read has been someone helping me to understand it better. It’s ok to admit that you don’t understand something in the bible, or want someone to guide you through it. That’s kind of why we have pastors, right? Everyone needs a guide to help them grow and understand the good book. I used to think I had to “just hack it,” in reading the bible. I always figured if I read it enough, it would just suddenly click with me one day. But there are so many people that understand the bible in such new and creative ways, it’s inspiring to see how alive it is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with hearing another perspective. Maybe someone saw something you missed. Maybe they understand it differently. It could be that you might have misunderstood something. These are great reasons to supplement your bible reading. Just make sure that extra books remain supplements, not replacements to your bible time. Nothing will ever beat digging into the word of God for yourself. 

Overall, books are a great resource to help substitute for a missing parent. It will never take away the grief, but it will help you grow in a way that is convenient and accessible to you. I would lump podcasts into this category as well, but I wouldn’t emphasize it as strongly because a book takes more time and effort to put together. When someone puts it into a book, you at least know it has been given some thought, and has been proofread at least once.

My action step is to find one category you would like to grow in. Maybe it’s your faith in God, maybe it’s a specific aspect of your relationship with Him. Maybe you want to hear the story of someone’s life. If you are really struggling to find something of interest, pray about it. Then go raid your local bookstore. Scan the shelves and see what catches your eye. Even if it just has a nifty-looking cover, give it a go! I have been pleasantly surprised by what I have picked up from a book I thought would be something else entirely. Set a budget if you have to, but go have fun with this! Then maybe keep a journal or open a word document open to jot down some takeaways. 

I hope you can learn to grow in wisdom on your journey. I pray you find guidance and deliverance from your past. And I pray you have a great day!

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.