#12 Accountability

A question I often have of myself is “how do I keep myself in check?” When it comes to being good, how do I hold myself to a standard? How do I know if I made the right decision or not? If I’m so good at arguing for whatever I want, how do I keep myself from talking myself into doing evil? I want to know the trail of good so that I can stay on the path. How do we do this? How do we know we are on the right track and when we have gone astray?

The scope of this question goes beyond the need for accountability because not everyone who calls you out is right. I have had people bark at me while being the wrong themselves. We need people who not only share our common values, but who are insightful enough to see them lived out. It takes insight to be able to point to specific mistakes, gently saying “see this point right here? This is where you should have gone over there instead.” Sometimes we need someone to set us straight because we have lost our way. We can get so caught up in the tricky decisions and compromises that we may need to be reminded of what we once stood for and why.

And that why is especially important. You might be pushing your friend to eat healthier, when he actually can’t afford to maintain the diet you are proposing. If you keep pushing and pushing, you might wind up turning into a nag, doing more harm than good. It isn’t always complicated, but it’s important to have that inner dialogue with yourself as to why you are doing what you are doing. You might be wrong about something that affects how you help others. 

Here’s an example. I’m not convinced that people always know what’s best for themselves. Between my personal experience, and my observations of others, I'm confident that we just can’t get it right. And that affects how I help others. Sometimes I jump in and try to take over their lives, because that’s what has gotten me out of my rough patches. It doesn’t matter how you feel, if you just do X Y and Z, your problems will be resolved. As such, sometimes I need someone to remind me that I don’t know best either! Sure, I am trying to help, but I’m failing to do so if I’m over-confidently trying to play their savior. I need that part of me kept in check so that I can be more productive with my desire to help.

So once you’re set on a good you want to do for the world, how do you keep yourself doing it and doing it well? The big thing is making sure you never fly solo. You need someone that gets the vision and wants to see you succeed as much as you do. You need to find someone you can trust and bring them alongside you to get it done with you. This should be intentional because you’ll need them to press in at times, to ask hard questions and to call you out. When you’re slipping up, slacking off or cutting corners, you’ll need someone there to point that out and help you adjust your course. A friend can see your path from a bird’s-eye view, in a way you can’t see it yourself. 

But make sure you pick someone you trust, because being good involves no shortage of controversial decisions. Do you think everyone will support you for hitting that mugger who was going to rob your daughter? Do you think everyone will welcome you with open arms when you tell your best bud he isn’t meant to be a woman? We need people to surround us and help think clearly when we jump into the fire. Because rarely do we get into a scenario that isn’t personal. Something of value is always at stake: your relationships, your business, your family, your reputation. You don’t have conflict around something that doesn’t matter. If it didn’t matter, you would just let it slip away and focus on something else. 

We need other people to set us straight. We need them to help us refine our motives when we find our naivety being stripped from us. We can’t do it alone, and to think you can is to set yourself up for failure. Take some time to find people you trust and to intentionally become accountabilli-buddies. Reach out to someone and say “hey, I trust you and I hope you can trust me. I’d like to build something together to help us keep on track with life.” Get together regularly and share what’s on your mind. Learn to lovingly correct as well as to be corrected. I guarantee that this will improve your life and keep you on a better path. 

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.