Of Dreams and Fantasies

Lately, I have been thinking about dreams. Well, I’m always thinking about dreams. But what’s specifically on my mind tonight is the difference between a fantasy, and a dream. You might think that the difference doesn’t matter; that it’s basically the same thing. I disagree. I think there’s a difference that’s so fundamental that it separates the driven from the desperate. If you’ll give me a moment, I can explain what this difference is and why it’s so important. Maybe then, we can turn you into a dreamer, where once you lived on just your fantasies. 

To explain this difference, I’d like to use the example of Jimmy and Johnny. Both kids love playing guitar and could see themselves in bands one day. Jimmy falls in love with music. Deep in his bones, he knows it’s much more than a hobby. He tells his mom that it’s not just a phase, and to prove it he’s going to make it big some day. He practices day and night, playing for hours and hours til his fingers are callous and bleeding. He knows he wants to be a rockstar, but he’ll learn any song he can get his hands on. He doesn’t care what it takes, he just wants to be the best. Later down the road, he takes action. He makes the calls to potential bandmates, books shows, and makes connections with recording studios. He isn’t just sitting on his couch adoring his guitar; he’s making it happen. Johnny is a dreamer, and he does whatever it takes to bring his dreams to life.

Johnny, on the other hand, falls in love with the idea of being a rockstar. He makes his mom watch as he swings his guitar around in circles, showing off the three notes he learned to play. In his mind, he has already arrived. He’s a ten-year-old alice cooper and no one can tell him otherwise. He nearly loses his mind when his favorite songs come on the radio. He knows every lyric, every part and every band member’s name like they were his own family. To Johnny, music is his life. As life goes on, he looks fondly at his childhood toy as it collects dust in his attic. He picks it up and still feels like a rockstar, but he has moved on to other things. Other fantasies. His days as a musical hero are over and that’s that.

From the way that was written, you may think I favor one over the other. Would it surprise you to learn that I was actually Johnny for a while? Growing up, I dreamed of a magical world where everything went well for me; where I would suddenly be popular, and have friends everywhere I went. I dreamed of being good with the ladies, too. “Some day,” I told my best friend. “Some day, I’ll enter the promised land, escape the friend zone, and live my happily ever after.” 

I was a fantasizer; a kid with a hope that something good would happen, but no action steps to bring that good thing to life. I didn’t go out and talk to people. I didn’t work on my social skills. I just believed that things would magically change one day. A dreamer is a lofty goal-setter. He wants the same big things, but where the fantasizer pretends he has arrived, the dreamer strives to actually get there. He learns the songs, hunts for bandmates, books the shows. He doesn’t just sit around with his big ideas; he brings them to life. 

Being a dreamer is daunting. Many fail, and even more don’t even try. Why is that? I have a theory that might surprise you: they aren’t poor enough. But when I say poor, I don’t just mean a lack of money. I think they don’t lack enough in general. It seems to me like not having something makes you want it really badly. Being a shut-in makes you learn how to make friends. Being a loser makes you want to learn how to talk to the opposite sex. And yes, having very little money makes you want to be rich. It’s when we reach a certain level of emptiness that our desire for growth truly flourishes. 

But “just don’t have stuff til you want a lot of stuff” isn’t great advice. I’ve heard people try to tell me that and it has always bugged me. They would say things like, “get hungry,” or “get desperate!” But that doesn’t click for me. Maybe the answer is to think about lacking. Imagine yourself going down a road where you don’t strive for more; where you let things slide and never go anywhere. Imagine what life would be like if you didn’t work hard, and maybe even lost everything. I think this could be enough to scare many out of hiding. Maybe a healthy dose of fear is what we need to get us on our feet.

I have also been asking myself, though: do dreams always need to be massive? I used to tell people that I dreamed of being an ordinary schmuck who lives out his days in peace. I still hold to that dream and I say it’s still a good one. Trouble is, most people think about big things when they think of dreams. They imagine someone becoming a moviestar, or visiting a foreign country or getting a high-paying job. There’s nothing wrong with those dreams, but there’s equally little wrong with dreaming of being a mom or dad; a plumber or even a janitor. Sure, there are tradeoffs to that kind of lifestyle, but I say it’s high time we stop assuming that the grass is greener on the other side. The grass is greenest where you water it, and if you take good care of a little dirt in a bucket, it could be as rich and lush as a palace garden. 

This makes me wonder: is there a difference between goals and dreams? Maybe a little. I think a dream is something that you want really badly. Goals might not be. A goal can be soulless. You might set a goal to do your homework before Thursday, but it’ll probably still feel like a chore when you get around to it. But if you dreamed of getting your homework done, you might do it a little earlier. It might get done with a higher quality because you know that it matters. You might still need some action steps to help you get started, but a lot of the effort would go in naturally because you like what you’re doing. 

So dreams are lofty goals that we set enthusiastically and fantasies are lofty ideas that we don’t have to commit to. We can change them out at will if we like, and they become real without any work. As I said before, I respect fantasy. I see the dangers of fantasizing a lot, though. It can become an addiction. You can get sucked into a life of daydreaming of a future that you haven’t built. It becomes an addiction because it’s all of the gain and none of the pain. Fantasy can ruin our taste of reality. 

It’s just like adding sugar to everything. Eventually, food without it will taste blander and blander, til you can barely touch a bushel of broccoli without sweetening it first. We can’t live like that. We can’t operate on sugar alone. We can’t live on the sweet stuff and sweet stuff only. We have to be stress-resistant, able to put in the work when the dream arises. We have to learn to take the bad with the good in order to live a real, beautiful life. That’s just how it goes.

Lastly, you need to believe that you can make the journey. This can be tricky. Best bet is to surround yourself with people that believe in you. Place yourself in the company of people who will encourage you to elevate to new heights and to pursue with excellence the things you want most in life. 

You should also give yourself baby steps. Dip your toes in the waters of something to see that you can, in fact, do it. Work on improving your mindset and positive talk so that you can reach for those heights. Be like Chicken Little and say to yourself, “all I need is a chance!” If you keep saying things like that in the mirror, you’ll start to believe that it’s true. 

This all boils down to the unpleasant fact that dreams take work. I dreamed of putting out a book this year. It was definitely rewarding, but it was also definitely work. I had times where I didn’t want to make the time to plan and market and coordinate with artists. The in’s and out’s were definitely less than fun. It’s all worth it, but there were definitely parts that I wouldn’t want to do for a living. But I took those steps in order to bring my dreams to life. And, at the end of the day, I would definitely say it was worth it. 

So get up! Believe in yourself! Want something out of life and chase it. Even if you fail, what better way to live than striving for something more? And maybe, just maybe, you’ll grow as a person along the way.

Until Next Time

May Peace be your Guide.