#6 Be Transparent

Here’s another one about telling the truth: transparency. I have seen a handful of people who think they are doing everyone a favor by not sharing what’s on their minds. I get not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings, but the problem is that the harm you wind up doing only multiplies with time. Let’s dive into an example. 

Let’s suppose Arthur has feelings for his classmate sue. He falls head over heels for her, and makes his feelings pretty obvious. Sue picks up on it, but is scared to hurt his feelings by telling him she isn’t interested. She tucks her feelings away and keeps silent. She doesn’t, per se, encourage him, but she never outright tells him she isn’t interested. This goes on for the entire school year. Sue breathes a sigh of relief when her parents tell her they will be moving once the school year is up, putting her in a different school. So she says her goodbyes to all her friends, including Arthur, and the two part ways. Arthur returns to school the following year, and can’t seem to find his beloved. It is then that Arthur runs into a mutual friend, who tells him that Sue has moved and won’t be coming back. Not only this, but it is through this mutual friend that Arthur finally learns the truth about Sue’s feelings (or lack thereof) for Arthur. Arthur is devastated.

Examples like this one aren’t an exception. I have met plenty of people who act like this. Can you imagine how Arthur must feel? Imagine the betrayal he must feel, compounded over all that time he wasted chasing her around! To think of all the other things he could have been doing with his life! The little sting that comes with ripping that band-aid off doesn’t compare to the damage that has just been done in delaying the inevitable. Ultimately, can we conclude that Sue was doing Arthur a favor? If you want to say yes, I have some serious questions for you. 

I understand that we don’t want to go around hurting people’s feelings. It’s not typically comforting to think that you might be the reason someone is having a bad day. But we often run the risk of making our feelings our highest priority, and believe that the pot should never be stirred. Sometimes you have to make things a little worse now to make them a little better in the long run. I like to think about my countless trips to the dentist. I have a great dentist, but I still hate going. It scares me and I usually wind up in some sort of pain. But I have learned the hard way what happens if you don’t bite the bullet. Sometimes in life, if you don’t bite the bullet now, you will find yourself staring down a canon later. 

Like I said, I don’t take hurting people’s feelings lightly. The takeaway is not to go around making people feel bad, but we need to deprioritize our feelings and be willing to get them hurt every now and then. If you are truly that worried about how someone will react, take proper precautions. Do whatever you must to get the truth out in the open. Because I guarantee that it will come back for everyone involved, and it will come back with a vengeance. Of that much, I am certain.

If you’re early enough in the process, you can keep things from escalating. If you don't like your coworkers' jokes, don’t laugh. If you can’t stand being around that friend your roommate keeps bringing over, don’t pretend that you like them. You don’t necessarily have to be a jerk about it, but don’t lie about where you stand. The truth doesn’t build upon lies. The only thing that comes from lies is more lies. If you are truly that uncomfortable with someone’s behavior, just spend less time with them. You have control over your life, even when it feels like you are caught between two tough choices. As with everything, pray and God will lend you a hand. He’s a big fan of that. 

Today’s action step involves giving yourself power. Practice your “I didn’t like that” face, along with one or two lines for when you don’t agree with something. Start working on a list of things you haven’t been transparent about. Take note of those things you have been letting slide for a while. Take it slow and build up your list, then create a game plan to slowly start expressing your distaste. Cross each item off your list as you make your changes so that you can celebrate your victories. A better life lies on the other side of truth. I believe in you. You’ve got this!

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.