#8 Being Picky

This is something that I have been learning lately. Oh, how difficult it is to say “no” when an opportunity crosses your path. It’s easy to live in a mindset of scarcity, acting like this is the last opportunity you will ever get. And while it may add work to your plate, being picky might save you a whole bunch of time in the long run. It can take time to learn how to be picky, and what to be picky about, but eventually we all need to be a little picky. Doing so empowers us to feel like we are in better control of our lives. Ultimately, saying no to a half-fit frees us up to look for a full-fit foundation. It’s finding a firmer place to put that stone to ultimately build a stronger fortress. 

I have been reflecting on how I rarely say no to job offers. For a while, I went desperately from one job to the next, filled with desperation and flushed of patience. Usually I would come to a choice between two offers, and more often than not, it was a very clear choice. But lately I’ve been asking myself: what if I chose neither? What if I compared them to my ideals, rather than to each other? What if I said “no” to both, in hopes of something a little bit better?

And before I go any further, let me acknowledge: this is definitely a tough thing to do if you aren’t already in the habit of doing it. Heck, it almost feels like suicide the sometimes. But oh boy! Does it give you power! After a few times, you’ll start saying to yourself “nah! I’m worth more than that!” When you’re able to hold out, to cling to your crappy situation instead of desperately jumping ship, it’s like shifting your gaze from the rearview mirror to the road ahead. And everyone knows that the most important thing is to keep your eyes on the road ahead, not what’s already behind. 

And the other thing I would like to acknowledge is that the building of standards takes some trial and error. You have to learn what is and isn’t essential for your life. Early on, you might answer a multitude of questions with “gee, I’m not sure about that!” That’s ok! Acknowledge that and go figure it out! But once you know, tattoo that information on your brain and never forsake it! Recognize the degree of importance certain things have for you, and how cranky they made you in the heat of the moment. Then, when the next fire is lit beneath your feet, hold fast to that conviction. Because if you don’t, you’ll simply wind up repeating the cycle later down the road. 

Early on in my career, I was hungry for growth. Every job interview started with “so what type of learning opportunities do you have to offer?” Combined with that was the desire to work in teams. I wanted to be alongside people to learn from, as well as having coworkers to share some camaraderie with. I’m not a huge extrovert, but I have always felt like work is more fun when you do it alongside others. That camaraderie really keeps me going! I had to learn that the hard way through a job that was almost entirely solo work. I saw a fellow maintenance technician maybe once every couple of months if I was lucky. Sure, I had a supervisor to text, but it’s different when no one’s around every single day. 

These two things are musts for me. On the other hand, a short commute is not. I have done ten minute drives, up to hour-long drives (yes, Denver traffic can get that bad.) But neither have felt like they made much difference to me. The hour gives me time to listen to music and podcasts, and to compartmentalize the work day I might have had. I could honestly go either way when it comes to my commute. Plus, my car doesn’t need a lot of gas, so it doesn’t even hurt my wallet. I have come to learn that this is a negotiable for me and I have leveraged it to my advantage over the years.

Like I said, it takes time to learn what you are and are not willing to put up with in a given situation. But once you do, you need to learn to make that tough call to hold out for better. You need to learn to look at situations and admit that although they are an opportunity you could take, they are not good cornerstones for the fortress you are building. You have to start seeing the pattern that they are guaranteed to cause, and the destruction that will surely follow. Granted, if you don’t have a choice, you don’t have a choice. I do believe there is a time and place when you can’t afford to be picky, but not when you are looking to establish permanence. When the empire is getting ready to rise, you must ensure the purest foundation. Only then will your kingdom weather the storms of life. 

Whatever the situation you are in, consider these questions. What are your non-negotiables? Do you need to figure them out? What are you willing to compromise? Perhaps you’re desperate for a change, but you need to hold out for a good transition? I pray you have the courage to transition well, to reject the urge to give up and settle, and to hunger for your truest and greatest calling. Your fortress is out there, begging to be built. It just takes wise hands to build it. Are you up for the challenge?

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.