#5 Call People Out

By now we should be starting to understand the difference between being good and nice. The question, then, becomes: what is there to being good apart from making people happy? Well, there are many topics to dive into here, but the one I want to dig into today surrounds one word: truth. 

I know there are entire debates on what truth is. For today’s purposes, I will define truth as the inevitably accurate. In other words, it’s fact. If you try to punch a brick wall, you will hurt your hand. If you don’t eat healthy, you will have health problems. Matters of cause and effect, scientific proof, and so on, will fall under truth. Personally, my source of the truth is the Bible. I get my wisdom from the proverbs, values from the psalms, and so on. Not everything has to come from the bible, (because nowhere in the bible is it written “it will be rainy on june 23rd, 2024. That’s just plain silly!) but if something disagrees with the bible, the bible is right every time. But I think for most of my examples, we don’t need to read too much into things. We’ll see as we go.

The point that needs to be made is that there is stuff going on in the world that doesn’t care about how we feel. My hopes of taking my skateboard out for a spin after work don’t affect the rain that’s coming. My craving for my sixth bag of doritos doesn’t change the fact that it’s bad for me. There comes a time in every person’s life that they must choose between the embracing of a bitter truth and a sweet, delicious lie. It might be accepting the fact that you don’t have enough money to buy that shiny new car you so desperately wanted. It might be coming to terms with the fact that the person you were interested in dating wasn’t actually as great as you thought they were. Whatever it is, the truth might come with a sting. But with that sting comes comfort and peace, because deep down we all know when we are lying to ourselves. We try to push the consequences back further and further, but they will always catch up with us in the end. Therefore, it’s always best to stick to the truth, no matter how bad it hurts in the moment.

Most of us don’t want to feel uncomfortable. I know I don’t most days. That’s why we need each other to speak the truth. We need others to set us straight, even if it hurts. Whether that’s a bad habit we have started or a lie we are telling ourselves, we need someone to call us out so we can correct ourselves and live better in the long run. And although some people respond to different levels of sugarcoating, that bitter truth needs to come through loud and clear. It may sting in the moment, but they will thank you in the long run.

How you convey the truth will depend on the person. I know many people that need the truth spoken to them kindly. Honestly, I suck with those kinds of people. I have a way of adding more words to cushion the blow, but I don’t do well sugar coating the truth. However, even I can tell you that sympathy is one of your best ways to soften their fall. It helps turn an accusation like “hey, man! You need to go on a diet!” into “listen, I care about you as a friend. I’m concerned about your weight. It isn’t good for you. I know going to the gym is hard, but if you don’t go, it could spell even worse trouble for you down the road. Let me know if you need support or even a buddy to go with you. Whatever you need, I’ll help.” 

It’s easy to write something that nice, but it can often be difficult to actually say it to someone. But there you go: a way to softly offer someone correction. The key is to acknowledge that the change they so desperately need to make won’t be easy. It might be downright painful at times. Offering to be there helps to reduce the pain of change, and grow the relationship that you already have with that person. If you can’t be there for them, don’t let that stop you. Offer a mutual friend, a text, anything that you can to get this person to embrace the truth and get themselves to a better place. 

Everyone needs truth and correction, and only a truly loving friend offers it. Imagine if I told my friend I had become an alcoholic, and his response was “yeah, I saw all the signs, but you seemed like you were having fun, so I let you do you.” What kind of response is that?! If the truth truly was that I was on a downward spiral, a good friend would call me out. I don’t know about you, but I say there’s something wrong with someone that lets you fall down. That’s pretty shallow for a friend.  

These days we often hold a mentality of letting people do their own thing. Although there is a point where you have to let people mess around and find out, you need to call them out once or twice first. They might be upset at first, but if you are right, then they will eventually realize it. Let them know what will happen if they go down this road. Then, if they want to continue down it anyway, you can at least have a clear conscience, knowing that you did what you could to warn them. At the end of the day, only they can walk through their own doors. You can only show them where they lead. 

Overall, telling the truth is a good thing in the long run. As always, be wise with how you wield it, but don’t let it go un-utilized. For our action step, ask yourself if there is anyone you are not being honest with. Practice what you might say to them, then go say it. Take your time to plan it out. Include what, as well as how, you will say it. Practice the exact words, as well as your intentions so that you can have an effective dialogue with them. Once you feel ready (or, as ready as you can be,) go and talk to them. I pray you learn to be truthful with others, and learn to develop yourself and those around you in wisdom and purpose.

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.