Confidence

Confidence. How does one attain it? It’s easy to toss out a dumb line like “just hack it!” or “just figure it out!” or, for us men, “just be a man!” As manly as I can be, I’m not really a fan of that line.It’s bad advice most of the time. I try to find authentic ways to develop towards the same conclusions, and this issue is no exception. However, you might not like my answer to this question. I think the best way to develop confidence is to learn to toss yourself into the fire. But don’t take this as me yelling at you to get your act together and leave me alone. No, sympathize heavily with fear and insecurity. I’m an obsessive planner at heart: If I don’t have everything mapped out before I start a project, we must stop everything to finish the blueprint. All that to say that jumping in headfirst is not something fun for me. 

And yet, I have developed a unique level of confidence in being thrown into the fire to wrestle with my problems. There is a unique confidence that comes with not knowing what you are doing. You go from a sense of panic to a sense of freedom. The attitude goes from “oh no! I have no idea what I’m doing,” to “a new situation that I haven’t learned how to handle yet? Sounds like another Tuesday to me!” 

I learned this mentality doing maintenance. I patched walls, unclogged toilets, reported leaks, and even fixed gym equipment for a while. After a bit, I would get comfortable saying “I’ve never seen this before!” A sink would refuse to unclog, a wall would need to be patched in an awkward spot, or a gym machine would be shaped funny. After a while, I barely batted an eye in the face of new things. I began to find that I had what it took to figure it out, and that I was just going to start marching until the solution happened. “I fixed it, but don’t ask me how!” I would often say. 

But, as I think about it, it was never about the jobs feeling similar, my growing understanding of stuff, or even the belief that I was capable of handling whatever came my way. Honestly, it all boils down to being comfortable marching onward into new territory. Believe me, I get it. I’m not typically one to march without having it all figured out, but there’s something deeper to “having it all figured out” than knowing what to do. I know this sounds vague, because I’m having a hard time describing what this feels like. It almost feels like someone handed you a new movie to watch. You don’t freak out because you don’t know where it’s going. Even the act of watching a new movie isn’t a novel feeling, because, well, movies aren’t new territory. You watch them all the time: there’s a beginning, a middle, and an end, then you go to bed. 

OK, maybe the analogy is a bit goofy, but my point is it’s just a new space to get comfortable in. I suggest starting small. Maybe try tweaking a recipe you make all the time, make conversation with a stranger or try out a new game with someone. If you’re feeling really brave, the next time something breaks, take a crack at fixing it (but do be careful with this one, sometimes you do just need a professional.) Jump into that element of the unknown and figure it out. I have found that there is often insight in the chaos. I can’t count how many times I have jumped into a project and accidentally stumbled upon the solution. Like I said before, I fixed it, but don’t ask me how. 

Just get comfortable in the space of the unknown, and you will begin to feel your fear subside. One day you will find yourself comfortable in the uncomfortable, and you will be well on your way to becoming the master of the art of winging it! I hope you can begin to learn to expand your horizons, and to master fear and insecurity. Ultimately, my prayer is that this advice shatters the chains of fear and self doubt, to lead an empowered life of victory. 

Until next time

Cheers!