Embracing the Chaos

This will be my second time writing on this topic. I’m honestly shaking as I write this. I thought I said all I needed to last time, but it seems I have more work to do. Shucks. Looks like this topic isn’t done with me, because I still fear it on a really deep level. Yep, we’re talking about adventure again. First of all, the story of how I found today’s story in question is cool. It all started last night. I’m a man of routine, and I always plug my phone in before I go to bed.

Every night except last one, that is. 

Thankfully, my phone wasn’t completely dead when I woke up, but it was dead enough that I decided to keep the usage of it to a minimum. This included using my phone for music when I went to donate plasma. I usually throw on my favorite tunes from my phone as my ipad becomes the instrument for games. With the phone down, however, I decided to simply watch youtube instead. After a few songs, I accidentally switched over to the section for short clips. I didn’t even mean to go there, and I had no intention of staying, but the clip that loaded up was of one of my favorite bands: all time low. 

The clip described how their first major single, “Dear Maria, count me in,” was an unplanned success. When asked when they knew the song was really sticking, the lead singer confidently stated, “I don’t think we ever knew. It still confuses us to this day.” I tremble just typing that out. In case you didn’t know, this wasn’t just a big song for them, as a band, but this song became an anthem for a generation. You could almost say it was the centerpiece of a musical movement. If you were to drive around with that song blasting, it would probably be five minutes or less before you got at least one nod of approval. This song was huge, so to hear that they had no idea what they were stepping into…it shakes me to tears. 

I’m not going to lie, I’m crying as we speak. 

Something about adventure, about chaos–it’s the essence of evil for me. Stepping into the unknown where I’m not sure what I’m doing or what’s going on is the most terrifying thing I can imagine. I can risk crushing my ribs under heavy pipe, try to lift stuff that would probably break my back, and get up brutally early on a regular basis without even batting an eye. But a bar I’m not familiar with? I couldn’t possibly pass that up any quicker. Trying a new restaurant with new food, even at the same price as my usual spot? Please go away! 

I’m not typically the most adventurous of guys. I always tell people that I have had enough adventure for one lifetime. I keep praying that my days of wild rides are, in fact, over.God, it seems, isn’t ready to grant that wish yet . Love it. How deep the rabbit hole of this problem goes is something we’ll see in due time. For now, I want to focus on one tiny piece of the pie: the fact that we don’t know the future. This thought scares me, practically to death. The idea that I don’t know what’s coming down the pipe is nothing short of terrifying. I’d rather you tell me that I’d be homeless, and that my city would get nuked than you to tell me you don’t know. There’s just something even more unnerving about that than even the worst of horrors that I can actually imagine. 

That’s why stories like All Time Low’s shake me so hard. Here we have a tale of four dudes who stepped out of high school, flung themselves at the world and became legends. It’s like witnessing a miracle to me. There are a lot of factors involved in that story, and I’m sure it wasn’t all just chance. How to become a legend is a big question, one that I couldn’t even begin to tackle in one sitting. 

Or, maybe I can. 

Just kidding! I don’t know if I can map out a formula to have their levels of success, but I know where it starts: by getting moving! It’s a terrifying thought, but you have to learn to fling yourself at the world, expecting something good to come of it. You have to believe that something good is out there for you, even if you don’t feel qualified for it just yet. This also means getting used to not knowing what you’re doing. You might wind up feeling kinda small from time to time. But what if your dreams were possible? What if things could end well? 

It all starts with one simple question: do you really know what’s going to happen? When you step out your front door, do you really know how things are going to go? I used to think I did. At least, I told myself that I did. Maybe it was all a big game that my mind played on me. I always wanted to know the risks that I was taking. Well, it was more about the lack thereof. I was always trying to be as observant as possible so that I could know how much danger I would be getting myself into. But now, I’m starting to question: how well do I truly know what will happen? Maybe there’s a chance that good things can come from chaos. Maybe it’s possible that I won’t die when I take that risk. Maybe adventure isn’t the evil I thought it was. 

Here’s the bottom line: if you get a feeling that something most certainly will go a certain way, question it. Make it a game, where you go out and test your theory. Set out to do the impossible, then slap your knee with an “aw, shucks!” if it doesn’t go as planned. Get used to questioning those absolutes. Don’t do something stupid, like walk into oncoming traffic, but dare to dream that impossible dream. Start that business, talk to that stranger, learn how to play that instrument! If the only thing standing between you and your dreams is a daunting monster saying, “turn back. It’s impossible,” shrug him off and say, “nah it ain’t!” and get walking. 

I’m not saying it will suddenly be easy. I’m still quivering a little just thinking about this whole thing. But even if you fail, this will change who you are as a person. It will change your ability to function in the world, altering entirely the way you interact with it. And it may even open a few doors along the way. Either way, this is a healthy way to live, even if it sounds terrifying. 

Until Next Time

May Peace be your Guide.