#11 Escape

We all know that sometimes life gets dark. You stumble, tumble, and lose your way. The raging storms of life send you tumbling and you find yourself unsure of your next move. And at this point, society has made it equally virtuous to dig your heels in for your cause, and to jump ship and save yourself. So the question I have been asking myself lately is this: how do we know when to retreat, and when to stand firm? It’s a tough question that doesn’t feel like it has a clear answer to me, but I’m going to take a shot at unpacking it. 

The first thing that I want to point out is that it’s always a bad idea to react to the heat of the moment. If your boss makes you mad, that’s not a good reason to quit on the spot. Everything you do should be calculated and well-planned. Though it’s true that those heated moments play a role in our lives, they aren’t always the only thing going on. That’s why you need to take those viciously heated moments and evaluate them. Maybe it was just a one-off because some other things were going on. Or maybe that moment was an eruption of months of frustration building up inside of you. It’s good to take some time and open-mindedly explore what’s going on in your head to make a good long-term decision about what you should do. 

The ultimate question we should be asking is “do you have a direction to march in?” Are you going somewhere because you’re really looking to go in that direction, or are you simply running away from the monsters that are staring you down? Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against escaping a bad situation, but you have to figure out where you’re headed towards. “Out of here!” isn’t enough of a direction. And don’t try to fool yourself, either. When you examine your new path, try to list some of the challenges you will face. Ask yourself if your new path is something worth digging your heels in for, or if you’re just ping-ponging into another mess that’s waiting to happen. 

I know this can be a tough question to answer, especially when you’re in the thick of a mess. What I’m trying to push for is a way to rise above the bad circumstances so that you can build a path for yourself. That path starts by observing your current direction without being controlled by it. If you’re on a bad path, another few weeks of it usually won’t kill you. Take some time to really reflect on where you’re going and why. Then take some time to figure out your next step, and whether or not you need to adjust your course.

You may hate the idea of doing this. Guess what? That’s ok! But do you want a life of chaos, where you bow to A few bad days? Or do you want to dig deep and really get somewhere worth getting? Imagine yourself at 50. Do you want to look back and still be in the same place you are now, or do you want to have gone somewhere and achieved something? The choice is yours, but it’s haunting to know you’ve gone absolutely nowhere because you let yourself be tossed about by the storms of life. 

But don’t get me wrong: what I’m proposing is tough. It’s anything but fun. Nobody wants to stick around when your boss piles more work on you, the house keeps needing repairs or your friends all move away. There are so many times in life when it’s easier to wash our hands clean of the mess we find ourselves in and start over. We can make all sorts of excuses about how it’s a lost cause, things won’t get better, and so on. But even if the neighborhood will always be an empty shell of what it once was, if the house never gets any easier to upkeep, and the job is actually on a downward spiral, an even bigger tragedy would be to let those circumstances control you, directing your current instead of the other way around. Sure, a bad boss is a reason to quit. But if you always give up because things are tough, you will quit on everything in your life.

Staying with anything is rough. It’s the hard choice. But just on the other side of that hardship is a life deeper and richer than you could have ever imagined. It’s where all the quality is. You just have to remind yourself that night doesn’t last forever. Eventually, morning will come. And who you were during the night will leave an impression of how you handle the next day. Will you be the rock that everyone clings to, or will you be the leaf that floats away in the wind? The choice is yours. 

I pray that you learn to take a moment in the darkness to calm yourself down. To collect your thoughts and feelings to see the bigger picture. I pray you learn to take control of your life as you guide and direct it with a target in mind. Because as much as you may need to run away from the threats in front of you, you will carry a lifetime of regret if you do nothing but run away every time things get rough. So weigh out those pro’s and con’s and give your life some solid direction!

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.