#7 Facing Danger

I’ve been thinking a lot about danger, which is a funny thing for me. You see, I’m one of the least adventurous, risk-taking people on the planet. I like my days routine, predictable and consistent; with hiccups and inconsistencies kept to a minimum. Do you want to know what my idea of getting crazy is? Yesterday I changed what I normally have for lunch. It was the first change in six months! I know, I’m becoming something of a wild man. I tell you this to help you understand what I am saying about danger. With everything I say from here on out, know that I am arguing from a need, not a passion. I’ll explain this dynamic as we go, but all I’m asking right now is that you don’t write me off, saying that it’s just my personality. This is anything but my personality.

So what I’m saying comes from a place of necessity. We need to face danger. But I don’t think of this like a leech that’s bound to some dutiful virtue. I look at it like going to the gym. I’d be lying if I said I was always excited to get sore, tired and sweaty. Especially on those days when the treadmill is calling. I’m not a big fan of the pain in my sides that comes from an hour of running, or that dizzy feeling that comes when I first hop off. It’s not a fun time, but the rest of my life is sweeter for it. 

Sometimes, that’s what we need to tune in to-the quality of everything else. We try to take those unpleasant things and make them fun, but what if the play is to develop a deeper sense of purpose? You could live uneasily, knowing that there’s someone stalking you right outside your door, or you could bite the bullet by going outside ready to throw hands to send a message that you aren’t one to be messed with. Which will bring a longer-lasting peace? Danger will follow you around if you let it, so you may as well confront it and take care of the problem ahead of time. Nowadays, we talk about how we all want to be civil, and evil men use it to their advantage. If someone finds out you won’t retaliate, they will push their luck to get what they want. It’s only when we stand up against it and shout “NO!” in its face that evil truly shrivels back into its corner. 

But to be truly good, we have to turn to our goodness manual: the Bible. I don’t think it’s at all against the bible to use force to push back evil. But there is a caveat to this: we must make sure we are utilizing the power we have been given responsibly. I’m not making an excuse to go out and throw hands with your neighbor because he said your grass wasn’t cut short enough. We have a responsibility to wield what we have with precision and good intent. That may even mean you skip the gym until you get that anger issue under control. By no means am I giving you a pass to go nuts. 

One might say that all the passages of violence are in the old testament, and ever since Jesus, we were meant to be peaceful little doormats. I mean, what about that time Jesus made a whip and drove the money changers out of the temple? And His most famous sermon when he tells us to pluck our eyeballs out? I think even Jesus Himself knew a thing or two about power, and using it responsibly when the time is right. We’ve gotten a few things wrong and it’s smothering us with one side of the coin of goodness. It’s high time we gave ourselves permission to be good without being nice. 

And just like the gym can make the rest of life better, taking the time to address problems and threats helps us enjoy our downtime better. Sure, you can’t obsess over every threat that might come your way, but you can definitely face the enemy at your doorstep. The truth is that some people don’t respond to kind words. They don’t “settle things like adults,” they manipulate their way around people’s good graces and get what they want anyway. Sometimes force is the only language someone will listen to. And once they do, you can rest easy, knowing that you and your loved ones are safe. 

I have also found that the willingness to use force makes me kinder in general. When I know I could bust someone’s kneecaps, I don’t find myself abusing it at every turn. It makes me kinder because I know I have the threat handled, leaving me free to operate without fear of others. There’s a different type of smile that comes from one who doesn’t feel threatened. Everyone can tell that there’s a difference between someone who is nice to appease and someone who is kind because he wants to be. It’s subtle and hard to put your finger on, but that difference is definitely there. 

What started my recovery journey was a study in martial arts. I have learned a lot about discipline and power through my study of self defense. But I don’t think that is the route everyone needs to take. The superpower you need to grow and develop is the ability to say no and to defend it when necessary. You might need to tell a coworker you can’t help them with a project. Your roommate might want you to do his dishes when you already do all of the cooking. There’s a difference between being kind and being a doormat. One makes some happy while another builds a habit that sucks away your own value. Learn to say no every now and then. It will do wonders for your life.

So what does this look like in everyday life? Believe it or not, I’m not actually saying you should go around being a jerk to everyone. It just means being willing to show it when you disagree with someone. It’s making people’s feelings less of a priority. If someone tells a joke you don’t like, wince a little. If someone invites you to a party you don’t think will be fun, you can stay home instead. But then, if things get dicey, you completely throw out the need to make people happy and do what you have to so you and your loved ones can stay safe. You don’t have to start all the fights, but if someone does, be prepared to finish them. If you don’t, then the fight will come to you, and someone you care about might get hurt because you didn’t step up. Be out there on the front line where you’re needed. 

Action steps: practice saying a bold “no” to yourself in the mirror. We used to do this all the time in self defense classes. Practice saying whatever sticks with you. This could range from “don’t touch me!” to “get away!” My favorite is a simple “OI!” We used to back up while we said it for added effect. Give it all a go so that you can be ready if you need it. 

List three things that sound scary, but doable. Maybe you stand on your roommates balcony when they aren’t home. Maybe you could go out in that hot pink shirt you love, but were scared to wear. Maybe you start a conversation with someone new. Whatever it is, make it uncomfortable, but not so much that it’s overwhelming. Then go do at least one of those things. 

I pray this finds you well and that you grow in boldness and confidence. 

Until next time 

May Peace be your guide.