#2 Fear: defined

Before we dive into conquering this beast known as fear, it would be helpful to understand a bit more about it. To put it simply, fear is our body alerting us to danger. If you see a snake in the woods, your body gets you ready to react so you can survive. When you think about it like that, it doesn’t seem so bad, right? But things get tricky when your brain tries to get a step ahead of the threats, learning from the patterns it sees. Things get tricky because your brain tries to be proactive. 

Basically, your brain takes experiences and turns them into patterns. We can’t function without the idea that the future will be like the past. Do you remember the first time you were stung by a bee when you were a kid? Your brain assumes it will feel like that (both physically and emotionally) every time. So as you grow up, and your pain tolerance gets a little better, a part of your brain still assumes that it will feel like it did when you were a kid. As you can see, this can start to create problems in the long run. 

The problem is the fact that your brain repeats this pattern in more complicated areas like your social life. If you don’t sit down and remind yourself that not everyone is going to be like your jerk of an older sister, you might walk around with an unhealthy dose of paranoia when you meet people. You might assume that everyone talks smack about you behind your back because your best friend in the third grade did. Your brain works in patterns, so many of your fears and struggles will stem from those early experiences. 

Let me use myself as an example. One time, when I was in the fifth grade, I accidentally dropped my phone into the toilet. I was wearing a zip-up hoodie, so the belly-pockets weren’t deep like the ones in the pullovers. It barely held my cell phone, but I figured it would be enough to keep from falling out.

I was wrong.I saw it all happen in slow-motion like it does in those bounty commercials. I immediately darted for the cabinet where we kept the rubber gloves (one of the perks of having family in the medical field-we always have stuff like that lying around.) I quickly yoinked my phone out of the toilet, took it apart to dry and purified my hands (yes, the toilet was…used. I had to grab it before the flush, so I mean it when I say I cleansed my hands that day.) 

After that, I was extra cautious, almost paranoid, about where my phone was when nature called. It was years before I would ever confront this fear. I could feel my brain reminding me of that event, and making sure I was careful to never repeat it. But after a while, I had to sit down and write out the story. I retold it exactly as it happened, and then wrote the words “but now I’m 20, and kangaroo pouches are different from zip-up pockets.” Immediately, I felt a sense of relief. I felt control of the memory, and fear let go of the reins. I realized that day that fear could be reprogrammed based on how legitimate I decided it would be. 

In case you were wondering, I actually got the phone up and running again. It was a Christmas miracle! (that, and the fact that phones were more durable and less complex when I was a kid.) And that’s part of why it’s important to take control of your brain: to remind yourself that you survived! Sometimes we put ourselves under the stress of what could have been, that we forget that it didn’t actually happen. Even this little reminder has done wonders for my psyche, and cleared up mountains of subconscious stress. Once again, it’s all the more reason to do some writing. 

But fear can still be a useful thing, so we don’t want to go as far as saying that we should never be afraid. It’s probably a good thing to be responsible with the cell phone you have, so being worried about dropping it in the toilet is a good concern to have. The difference is whether or not it is being held in check. I never forgot the fear of dropping my phone, my heart just doesn’t start pounding whenever I have my phone near water. I’m just more responsible than that now. That’s the point we are trying to reach: the point where we control fear. 

I pray this has given you a better understanding of fear and how it operates. I recommend taking note of your own fears in your everyday life. The stronger the feeling, the more good it will do you to examine it. Look for a pattern. Try to figure out the first time that this fear came about. Look back at that memory and note how much you have changed since it first happened, and watch your confidence flourish! 

Until next time 

May Peace be your guide.