#1 Good vs Nice

I just started a book called “no more mr. Christian nice guy.” The book is about how Christian culture has been creating “nice” people, but not necessarily “good” people. Before I jump the gun and go down all sorts of rabbit holes, I want to take today and do nothing more than unpack the difference between nice and good. I’m going to try to steer away from some of the specifics until I have examined them a little closer. All I am doing today is answering the question: what’s the difference between “nice” and “good.” 

Well, nice is agreeable. Let’s pretend, for the sake of this argument, that killing is wrong. No if’s, and’s or but’s today, just stand firm on that conclusion. If there was a gang that made up a reason that they had to commit murder, a nice person wouldn’t stand in their way. When offered a gun, at best he might respond with “no thank you, killing isn’t for me, but you do you.” But, if threatened, he might just go along with the killing in some shape or form in order to keep from upsetting his newly found friends. 

I know this example sounds extreme, but I need to use it to help prove my point. I heard someone on youtube explain that nice people are nothing more than those who are trying to protect themselves from social threats. If our friend in the gang had stood up and said an outright “no!” he may not have been accepted by those who might one day protect him. If he, worse yet, got up on his soapbox and preached about the wrongs of murder, he would have, himself, been shot for sure. 

“Nice” has to do with personal survival. Nice says “hey, hey, hey! We can talk this out, right fellas? C’mon, let’s be friends!” Nice stands with whatever the crowd is standing with. A nice guy makes friends with everyone so that he can avoid anyone being a threat. A nice guy doesn’t have a personality of his own, but adopts the personality that will get him in the least amount of trouble. His entire personality is like a box of masks: he puts on whatever will fit best in the crowd he’s in. To be nice is to blend in. To be good risks standing out. 

The other thing this means about nice guys is that they are pushovers. To be nice is to respect the needs of a group above your own. I like to think of being nice like bowing to a king. You pledge your loyalty as a servant of the greatest power in hopes that they don’t turn against you. You try to please them to the best of your ability. In exchange, you get to keep your head. If the king demands a feast, you bring him a feast!  If he demands tribute, you give all you have. And when you need that food and money to provide for anyone but the king, he threatens to bring your greatest nightmares to life. Being nice isn’t about doing the right thing or being happy. It’s about narrowly escaping with your life, and shedding anything it takes to do so.

Now let’s look at good. Please stick with me as I do some assuming. I want to unpack some of these ideas in later posts, but for right now I’m just going to highlight their existence. You see, to be “good” is to follow a moral compass. If everyone else disagrees with the decisions you make, so be it! A good man is the one to tell the gang that killing is wrong and to refuse to participate, even if such a proclamation gets him shot. A good man won’t swear even if everyone else is doing it. If the wife of a good man is threatened, the threat is going down by the good man’s hands! Our good man isn’t going to let anything happen to his precious lady. If that involves breaking a few fingers, then so be it!

And strangely enough, being good also means taking care of what you want out of life. Yes, you heard me: being good means you hold out for what you might want out of life. Notice, I didn’t say need, I said want. I could have chosen to feed the homeless, serve at church, or a wide variety of other things to make a difference. But I’m an introvert with a knack for writing, so I’m here behind my screen. I’m making a difference in a way that brings me satisfaction. 

But doesn’t it sound like I’m being a bit greedy? Sure, I had to dig into my creative side to push back against the status quo, so let me reel it in. I look at my needs in the same way I look at my car. I have an obligation to keep the gas tank full and the oil fresh so that it will run properly. Otherwise it will break down early and help no one. This means if you aren’t resting, eating, exercising, and maintaining a few hobbies that bring you to life, you will fizzle far sooner than you should. You will have nothing to give others and will wind up collapsing yourself. 

Ultimately, keeping yourself like a healthy car will fuel you well for your purpose: the direction your car will be driving in. “Good” is the destination of your road trip. You can raise funds for charity, build a building, or maintain computer equipment for a non-profit. Those are things you can do that are good, but may or may not necessarily be nice in some situations. You might have a friend tell you that you should be working a high-end job, making six figures and saving for retirement. You would have to be not-nice to tell him you’re doing good instead. 

Standing for what’s right versus standing to not die. That’s the difference between good and nice. You could dig into a lot of questions from this (and since I’m doing daily blogs, perhaps I’ll get to a few of them.) We could ask questions like “how do I cultivate a good purpose?” “and “how do I draw the line between good and nice?” I’m feeling a series coming on, here, so I may dig into some of these questions in the future. For now, I just want to acknowledge this difference to get the ball rolling. I hope this has been helpful for you, as it has been helpful for me. 

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.

ACTION STEPS

Truly ask yourself if you have any areas in your life in which you are being nice. Are any of these areas in which you don’t need to be? Is there, perhaps, an area you want to be a little less nice? Identify one and see if you can write a game plan for how you will change it.