#4 Happily Ever After

As an ogre who likes his swamp, I have often asked myself: what does my happily ever after look like? I really like the ordinary, everyday life. I like the plain and the simple, that “settle down” lifestyle. What, then, could possibly be in store for me, if my ending is where everyone else begins? How is it that my supposed “ideal” is that “boring” beginning of everyone else's movie? Worse yet: how is it that I can relate to that boringness just like everyone else? Am I actually meant for a life of adventure? Over the years, this is something that I have had to spend a lot of time sorting out in my head, but I think I have it figured out. 

Living your happily ever after doesn’t necessarily mean that you get up and live a completely different life. It simply means that you tear down the “keep out” signs that once cluttered your front yard. It means letting go of perfectionism, and the need to have every moment be exactly as you want it to be. For example, I hate chaos. I cherish my consistency with a passion. But sometimes life has to change. The job needs to be quit, the hours need to shift, the weekends need to be rearranged and the plans may even need to be canceled. These are normal parts of life. Do I like them? nope! But the old me would have obsessively fought to keep everything the exact same all the time, a notion that I now realize is a little crazy. Now I wince like I was tasting a lemonade that was a tad too bitter. I’d rather it be sweeter, but it is what it is. 

Happily ever after isn’t necessarily a change in lifestyle, it’s a letting go of it. I’m not saying you no longer care about how you live your life or where your path takes you, but you stop obsessing over it. If you’re like me and you like your routine hours, you might be OK with a job that ends at slightly different times every day. You might let go of the need to have the biggest paycheck. You will no longer be chasing your values to their extremes, but you will get something else in return: the ability to enjoy them. And that is what I have found to be key: the more you insist on having what you love in spades, the less you can enjoy it. Your pursuits become less of a reason to celebrate, and more of an expectation. What was once your heart’s greatest joy becomes its deepest curse because no amount of it will never be enough. I would almost say it becomes an addiction. We have to have things go our way in order to feel normal again. The truth is that sometimes things still won’t go your way. You may still have days, months, or even seasons, where things don’t go as you would have liked. But that doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path, it simply means that you’re truly living. 

How, then, do we find the balance? If we loosen our grip on our lives, doesn’t that mean that we simply float wherever life takes us? Um, I’m not so sure about that one. The way I like to think of it is like a river. You could put a rock in the way or divert the path, but the water will still flow in the same general direction. The cry of your heart will seep through the cracks of your setbacks and you will still move in the same general direction of the life you truly want to live. Though it may be in some different places, your preferences and needs will seep through. Those needs might get met in different ways, but the love of those things will still trickle on through. 

When you can appreciate something without needing it, you actually start to get it back. Lately my life has been pretty inconsistent. Sure, I still work at the same job, but there’s so much chaos happening all around me. I would be lying if I said I loved it, but you can only truly appreciate something when you come to terms with the fact that you can’t control when it comes and goes. The more you can accept this fact, the sweeter the things you truly love will taste. It won’t be pleasant, per se, but letting go of the need to control everything is a bliss of its own. 

So I would encourage you: let go of the things you love. Stop clenching your fist so hard around the things you hold dear. Capture it as much as you are able to, then let go of the rest. Tear down those “keep out” signs and let things not go your way from time to time. It won’t be fun, but I guarantee it will be good. Then when things do go your way, it will be sweeter than honey and you will taste the bliss of blessing. 

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.