#10 It's not selfish

By this point, I feel like I am equating “good” with “selfish,” with a whole bunch of justifications for it. I’ve been spouting nonsense like “you have the right to rest,” and “you can’t save ‘em all.” The argument I use with myself is this: Jesus said to love your neighbor as yourself. If you neglect your own life, it will eventually show in how you “help” others. Eventually it will all fall apart. But the problem is that in the mind of a nice person, this all feels like selfishness. I contend with this every day: how do I justify leading a happy, fulfilling life? How do I justify rest, when I could be doing more? How do I overcome the feeling that a day on the couch, or choosing how I reach out to others, is more than just being selfish? Today I intend to banish this beast once and for all!

The key to becoming good is to rework our understanding of what it means to do good for others. Let me tell you two stories to help paint this picture. One day, Sir Bartholomew and his trusted companion Steve are playing on the playground. Over yonder they see several rapscallions looking to harm a young lass. What do these two lads do? They charge forth and raise their fists to defend the lady. Punches barely need to be thrown before the hooligans cower in fear like the rats that they are. Our two heroes ensure the lady’s safety and likewise, continue along their day. They never speak again. 

That’s quite the tale, isn’t it? Notice the fact that these boys commit to a one-time event. They take time out of their day and set out on a mission to make the world a better place. It was a sacrifice for these two kids to stand up to the bullies. They risked their reputations, their free time. Heck, they even risked their personal safety! There’s a lot that these two kids put on the chopping block to protect this girl. And notice all the reasons they didn’t do it. There was no teacher that was there to force them to step in, no classmates whispering that someone ought to do something. They just got up and did it! 

The point I am trying to make is this: these kids wanted to do the right thing, and they sacrificed something of value to do it. They made a big impact with a one-time event and then went on to do whatever they wanted. Goodness is freeing like that. We aren’t chained to it like we are to niceness. There is also greater good to be had from picking and choosing which moments to intervene in. I look at the example of Jesus. He didn’t just die on a cross. His act did far more than just appease a few angry pharisees or spark a few of His followers to a revolution. He picked the right time and place to humble Himself to spark a bonfire that is still warming hearts 2,000 years later. If you frantically try to make the most of every moment instead of picking your battles, you will wind up doing half-baked work. It never works out in your favor in the long run and you wind up doing far less than you could have. 

Let me tell you another story to help prove my point. Suppose young Sir Marcus comes in regularly without food for lunch. He sits quietly, hoping no one will notice and look on him with pity, but eventually his daily lack catches the eye of Sir Rodrik. Valiant as he is, Sir Rodrick strides over to Marcus and commands him to hold his head high with pride, and hands him his entire ham sandwich. Marcus is grateful for the sustenance and devours the sandwich with the ferocity of a lion. Sir Rodrik repeats this interaction the next day, and the next and the next. Eventually, Sir Rodrik begins to lose weight himself, but hides it behind his broad shoulders and proud gaze. Eventually, he is hospitalized from his own malnutrition. After a week under close watch by his doctor, he is released from the hospital, and goes back to school and continues to “help” his friend.

Alright, I know that was a bit dramatic, but let me make my point. Sir Rodrik sacrificed his own wellbeing for his friend every day, and he didn’t actually reduce the number of starving kids. He did a whole bunch of harm to himself so that it wouldn’t come upon someone else. Let’s look at this from an objective point of view. If we didn’t have any personal bias towards either of the boys, we would see that the outcome didn’t really change at all! If the two boys shared the ham sandwich, this would have been an act of goodness. If Sir Rodrick had asked his mother to pack an extra sandwich for him, they could have resolved this situation even better. Nonetheless, as it stands, no issue was truly solved. 

One  might say that Sir Rodrick was being “nice” for giving his sandwich away, but anyone who said this would be sadly mistaken. For some reason, we see the same amount of suffering as completely alright if we willingly take it all on for ourselves. But wait! Isn’t that what our two friends in the first story did? No. Those two boys ended a problem for good. The girl will be bully-free for life because the boys scared them off. I know these stories are wearing a little bit thin, so let’s depart from them to get some real-world examples.

The truth is that there is a difference between giving in freedom and living in slavery. The difference between nice and good is the difference between living for a good mission and doing small acts along the way. I’m not trying to discredit one over the other, but if we only focus on one, it will lead to some wonky places. For example, if I set up an organization to feed the homeless, that will do a lot of good for a lot of people. A lot more good than if I just ran around buying hot dogs for people I see on the street as I drive home. Starting an organization also means there are other goods I have to hold off on doing. I can’t spread myself too thin, donating to every cause that comes to my attention. I have to focus on the task at hand to give the world a concentrated dose of good in one specific area. In other words, saying “yes” to one big thing means saying “no” to a lot of little things. 

But that big “yes” that I am saying is actually a whole army of tiny “yesses.” I’m agreeing to buy a lot of hot dogs for a lot of homeless people. To say “no” to a homeless man now would be a “no” to my life’s mission of feeding the homeless. It would dampen my cause as a whole. I might even be called a fraud for refusing to help the cause I claim to be working to stop. Although this gets complicated rather quickly, I hope by now you are starting to see the point I am getting at: if you take the time to get focused, making your life about a specific good cause, you will do far more than trying to aimlessly do a little bit for every tom, dick and harry that crosses your path. 

What lies underneath is the need to develop your power. Learning to concentrate your efforts makes you realize that your efforts multiply when you focus. We often equate serving to being weak, but to be weak is to lack influence, leaving you unable to do anything at all. But how does this relate to our original question of whether or not a little self-preservation is selfish? If your life’s purpose is to help others, that’s a focused effort that will take up some of your efforts, but not all of it. You will, then, have time and energy left over to enjoy the fruits of your labor. That enjoyment is a form of fuel to help you further your cause. 

On top of which, if you truly value human life, what would you call that thing that pops up in the mirror? Isn’t that a human life too? Goodness is cutting out what you don’t need, and not making yourself your life’s purpose. But that doesn’t mean you suddenly become any less of a human being. You are the same type of thing as that person you are trying to help, so if you devalue yourself, a human being, what exactly is it you value? Your answer sure as heck can’t be “the human race.” 

Overall, the key to being good is to devote your life to a cause that makes the world a better place. It’s about separating luxury from necessity and sending the difference to help others without letting yourself drown. It’s about digging deeper, finding all the power you have to offer the world and nurturing that flame to be able to do the most good with all that you have been given. It’s not just that you are allowed to look after yourself, you are obligated to. You need to keep your ship afloat to be able to save more castaways drowning at sea. You have more to offer the world than just a ham sandwich. It’s high time you started owning it!

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.

ACTION STEPS:

Start thinking about your cause. If you don’t have one, begin searching yourself for one. Is there anything that goes on in the world that you feel shouldn’t? Is there some injustice that has always irked you a little more than everything else? Pick one, devote yourself to it, and balance it out with proper rest. If you have to, write down that “I have devoted myself to this cause. I have earned this rest to regain my power. I am a human being just like those I want to help. I take my leave.”