#7 It Takes Time

With all of this talk of getting braver and overcoming fear, I wanted to acknowledge something: conquering fear takes time. You will have some initial breakthrough moments, but don’t be surprised if you feel like you slip a few times. At first it will feel like a boxing match. You will land some really good punches, but you may take a few as well. But the fact that you will lose a few rounds isn’t an excuse to give up, it just means you need to set your expectations so that you don’t lose heart when trouble comes. I also say this so that you don’t lose faith when you feel like you are having setbacks. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither is the new, courageous you. Set aside some time to take a deep breath and focus on keeping your expectations realistic. You will still see those dramatic changes, but you will arrive in a condition that lets you stay there, instead of losing hope when you feel you have arrived.

Something that has really helped me stay on course is to adjust my mindset about being afraid. I’m sure most of you were drawn to this series because you want to be less afraid in your lives. You’d be in good company, because that’s why I’m writing it! But there’s something wrong with the idea that we need to be masters of fear in order to start living. I have caught myself in this mindset a lot. I tell myself that I need to sit in my corner and get everything figured out before I can go be a part of the world. Although everyone needs to go through times of self-reflection, the dependency on it is counter-productive in the long run. I think we need to adjust our mindset in order to be able to live. 

The thing that has helped me is to shift from a place of “I need to be perfect,” to “I’m a work in progress.” Although I can go the spiritual route on this one, I want to appeal to something a little more carnal for a moment. I was at a breakfast the other day, and someone accidentally spilled their drink. I had an epiphany at that moment, which was this: the spiller found himself quite embarrassed, but nobody else seemed to care. How many of us can relate to this scenario? Surely I can’t be the only one that has been so aware of his surroundings and so worried about causing an upset that I have paid extra attention to every single movement I make? I’m sure we can all understand that idea on some level, right?

But in that same moment, the other side of this coin came to mind. It was like I was being introduced to twins! I looked around the room, and realized that no one really cared! Sure, it makes the floor a little sticky, but could anyone confidently say they thought less of this kid because he spilled a drink? No!

These things happen, mistakes are made sometimes. We all make them every now and then. But there is one thing that we have control over, something that we can use to define this encounter for better or worse: how we react. Nobody will deny that clumsy moments exist, and no one really faults a man for being clumsy. That’s just life! But how we react once that moment comes to pass is what we really hold someone accountable for. If our clumsy friend were to stammer, and panic about how embarrassed he was. Maybe if he even scrambled to scoop up his damaged pride, we would all see it and think less of him (though, we may not want to admit it out loud.) But if he were to own up to that moment and do his best to fix it, his character would be crowned with a badge of honor. Heck, he could even admit that he was embarrassed and still hold our respect! But what would cause issues is if he expected himself to be perfect, and to refuse to pick himself up because he missed the mark. That is a sign of a blunder. 

I paint this picture to help you understand what your fear-conquering journey should look like. You’ve admitted you have a problem, you put your faith in the process of solving it, and now you have to accept that you aren’t there yet. You don’t need the extra pressure of your self-criticism. Because, you know what? You’ll always be imperfect! And that’s not a weakness, but a strength! Your imperfections are the best way to relate to others, because it’s something that we all have in common (except me, I actually just got my “perfect person” badge yesterday.) So the next time you see someone, try to start seeing them through that lens. Remind yourself that they’re the same type of tired, worn-out creature that you are. Try to use that to create some common ground. Who knows, you may even wind up making a new friend out of it! 

So as we wrap up today, I want you to start settling into the mindset that you aren’t perfect, and that it’s ok not to be. It will take time to really let this sink in and take hold, but there’s no better time to start than now. This is something God has had to hammer home for me. He has had to remind me time and time again that I need to chill out because I am always hungry for perfection. Take time to remind yourself, whether by God’s grace or otherwise, that you don’t have to be perfect. Take a few minutes every day to jot down the words “I’m not perfect, and that’s ok.” You will find that your desire to grow doesn’t shrink, it just reshapes into something more positive. Before you know it, you will find yourself flourishing in ways you could have never thought possible. I pray this post finds you well, and that by God’s grace you are released from the need to achieve perfection, for it has already been achieved for you.

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.