#9 Make it IMpersonal

I’m sure this title may have sounded a little silly to some of you. Yesterday was all about making it personal, and tying your worth to your work to propel you forward. But some of us live there, and we  can’t make the thoughts stop when we ought to. The fuel of negative self-talk gets to us, and we wind up burning ourselves into defeat because we start to truly believe we aren’t good enough. How do we get out of that headspace? How do we know when we ought to stop talking like that? Good questions and more will be answered today as we unpack the nature of man’s greatest fuel: his worth. 

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a little bit more. Sometimes, you need to push yourself to grow so that you can make a difference. No matter how well you talk to yourself, you’ll never be a good doctor if you can’t pass your medical exams. You’ll never be strong if you don’t work out. Some things will never change without effort. If you have something that you want to do in life, it will take some effort to achieve it. 

But when does that hunger for a goal become a problem? It’s when we don’t cherish our victories anymore. Yesterday, I talked about beating the voice of can’t. When you beat it, or even come close to, there’s a joy that arises. It feels like a victory, something fun that propels you forward with heightened enthusiasm. However, there comes a point when even winning feels like losing. Beating the can’t isn’t enough because another one immediately takes its place. Eventually it will reach a point where you will get the feeling that nothing is enough. It’s at this point that you have to recognize that you have a problem. Your need has become an obsession, and you are heading for a good ol’ crash-and-burn. It’s time to take action and solve the problem. 

So what do you do to control the burn? The first step is to stop. Make no progress towards the thing that you feel like you need to get done. This will be terrifying at first because it will feel like you are putting your value on the line. That’s alright. Come cross the bridge with me and see what’s on the other side. As you take that time to regain your sense of control, you will see that you’re actually worth more than you thought. You’re doing alright and you have put in more effort than you realize. 

Second, take whatever reasoning you have been giving yourself and fight back against it. For me, this has been the belief that I’m a quitter. I had a moment today where I sat down and listed all of the things I didn’t quit. Even if this voice was completely right that I was quitting on this job when it got tough, there were plenty of things in my life that I had seen through to the end. Take some time to learn how to argue with yourself and you will learn how to re-cage the beast of can’t when you need to.

Ultimately, toying with your capabilities can be fun. But the minute it becomes an unfair game is when it’s time to take up arms and subdue the great beast. It’s all fun and games until you’re incapable of winning. When the beast of can’t is the one in charge, it’s time to start prodding him back into his cage. You were meant to be the one in control of your life. Anything that controls you is a problem. So take time to remind yourself of all the effort you have put in. Remind yourself of all the times you have done enough and gone above and beyond. And if you’re there thinking “I never have,” celebrate all you have done. Even small things make a big difference sometimes. Celebrate you, and puff up your chest with all of your achievements. There is a great deal that you have done, and you are worth celebrating.

Until next time

May peace be your guide

and your reward.