#8 Make it Personal

So you’re in a spot where you need more energy. Your life demands that you summon that extra surge for the task ahead. But where do you get it from? From where does that extra oomph reside for you to tap into? Ahh, my friend, come with me and I will show you! I will teach you the ways of the oomph! But best be warned: the resource you will discover is a relentless fire, a beast of endless hunger. You must ensure you have the reins as you tap into this resource. But as you do, it will propel you forward to heights beyond your wildest imagination. 

As I have said all along, to be tough is to find a love worth suffering for. Today I want to unpack some ways to learn to harness that and tap into it when you need it. Now, when I talk about this idea of harnessing your love, the first reaction is to turn that thing into a sort of “happy place.” I imagine it like soldiers in the movies, glancing at a picture of their wives whenever they are in a slump and need a boost. And although there’s nothing wrong with that, there’s so much more to motivation to tap into. 

I like to think of some tough times like training. I believe that how you do anything is how you do everything, so if I’m in the habit of quitting when it’s tough now,  I’ll quit when it’s tough later when it actually matters. Sure, there’s a time and a place for everything, but I want to be the master of my life, not the other way around. You might think a particular situation doesn’t matter, but it might be preparing you for the situation you’re passionate about. It’s good to think about the habits you are building, especially in times when it seems like it doesn’t matter very much.  

The one that gets me every time is “would you treat your wife like that?” For context, I’m not married, but I would like to change that one day. I have found it highly motivating to turn all my decisions into equivalents within my family unit. I had a moment driving home where I ran a late-yellow light. It turned red as I was in the middle of the intersection and I had a thought whispered in my ear “would you have driven like that if your kids were in the car?” Whatever your personal goals are in life, tap into them to mold yourself into the kind of person that would best fit that position. It will help you hack it through the tough calls and times where something else might be easier. It will put you in charge of how you react, and give you a purpose to react for. 

But does this mean I should never quit anything? How do you know when the training is over and the real fight is about to begin? I could use this line of reasoning to never quit on my job because I want to never quit on my marriage. Even though the right career move is right in front of me, I might accidentally wind up dodging it in the name of toughness. How do we deal with this? The answer is to set goals so that you aren’t flying by the seat of your pants. Take time to think through your decisions. Weakness leads to desperation, and desperation lies at the heart of poor decision-making. 

Desperation turns a “hell no!” into a “sure, why not?” It makes you weak and sends you down a road that could have been better if you had just tapped into better motivation. Don’t be weak. Don’t be desperate. Take control of your life and tap into a situation that you are motivated to do right, and imagine that you’re in that one. Then you will take things seriously and make a great decision every time. 

But there’s another aspect to making your drive personal, and that is to tie in your self-esteem. David Goggins talks a lot about this sort of thing. I won’t quote him directly to keep the expletives out, but he talks about how he is always in constant competition with the voice that says he can’t do it. He is on a mission to prove to that part of himself, and the rest of the world, wrong. That’s a big part of his drive: the thrill of proving to himself that he can. 

I think this, if used properly, can be a huge motivator for many. But it has to be used properly. First of all, you have to control the amount of “can’ts” that you listen to. Focus on just one thing in your life at a time. This will keep you from feeling dogpiled. Your goal isn’t to overwhelm yourself with self-talk, but to set an enemy to conquer. Be specific about your can’t. Make it something that is quantifiable. Say something like “I can’t run a mile.” There should be a win-condition: something you can check or not check on a box. 

Once you have your “can’t,” jot down some steps to turn it into a “can.” Maybe you run to the mailbox the first day. Run there and back a few days later. Celebrate those wins. Most people will write off advice like this because they “aren’t competitive,” but that’s not what this is about. It’s about being free to conquer whatever you want. Taking the time to focus on overcoming the dialogue in your mind will help you to do those difficult things in your way. And once you are able to do hard things in general, you will have the power ready when you need it most. 

But I wouldn’t go as far as berating yourself with constant reminders of how much of a loser you are. That’s a little barbaric. Only remind yourself as much as the thought fuels you to conquer it. Think of this like gambling. You’re betting everything on your capabilities, and the reward is your pride. But I’m not talking about pride in terms of arrogance. I’m not telling you to go out and gloat to everyone else when you win. I’m talking about the feeling that puffs up your chest and shouts “I WON! I WON!” There’s a difference. One is excitement in your own ability, one wants to put your foot on someone else’s throat. If you have the second type, you’ve got a problem. Go solve it and come back when you have. 

And yes, gambling does mean that you are at risk of losing something. That’s part of the gig. But that isn’t a problem. You may lose the battle, but you can win the war. If you fail at your first “can’t,” come back for round 2! That’s the best part about this: you get to schedule the fights! If you think you can’t take a 30-second cold shower, dial it back to 15 seconds and go again tomorrow. Your determination will only come back stronger, and you can take smaller steps to get there. It will sting a bit if you fail to beat a “can’t,”  but that’s part of the thrill: the possibility of losing. And when it becomes overwhelming, you can regulate the process by adjusting the micro-can’ts you set along the way. The only thing that will stop you is if you quit trying altogether. 

So make your life personal. Tap into the situations you’re burning to get right and make everything one of those. Make it about who you are and what you’re about and you will be well on your way to tackling your mountains and demolishing your can’ts. I pray you learn to gobble up your can’ts like nails and to spit them back out at life like bullets. You’re a powerhouse ready to be unleashed, all you gotta do is go for it!

Until next time

May Peace be your guide and reward