#5 Preference

And thus, we have established that happily ever after is a state of mind. It’s a place where you accept that you can’t control the flow of life around you, but can continue to flow in a direction you prefer. It’s a place of accepting that things will change, that things you like will come in and go out, and that you can’t control that. It’s a place of accepting this fact, and not needing to have the best-case scenario in every waking moment of your life. 

But where do we go from here? Obviously, we still have preferences. We have things we like and things we don’t. Does this mean that those things have to change? Not exactly. The difference is that those things no longer control us. We gaze upon their beauty like a beautifully plated dish from an elegant restaurant, knowing full-well that we have enough steak at home to feed a small army. And once we turn those things into wants instead of needs, we can begin to put ourselves in a position to be exposed to them regularly. 

I know that might sound a bit vague, so let me give you an example. I don’t like to travel. I did a lot of it as a kid and now I’m sick of doing it. Should I simply accept that I can’t control anything and go travel the world for the rest of my life? Surely I can’t be the only one who thinks that’s a bit odd, right? I don’t need to torture myself like that! The big thing is that I need to be able to allow myself to travel when I need to, like when my family wants to see me for the holidays. If the need to travel arises, I can overcome my distaste of it for a greater love. And that’s where we want to be. 

That’s what it’s all about: control. Who’s in the driver’s seat? Is it you, or the monsters on the other side of your barricade? When you start to chase a certain outcome, to need things to go a certain way in your life, you give up control of where you are going in the world. The ability to say “no,” even to the things you love, is to gain true control over yourself. And that’s the funny part: you’d think that saying “no” leads to misery, but what I often find is that there is a deeper love at play. Saying “no” to a soda is a love of good health. Saying no to a lazy Saturday on the couch is a love of accomplishment. You might also find that you don’t simply say “no” without cause. There’s always something at play.

But what, then, do we do with those little things we love? I believe we all have a calling in life, and it puts us in a place where those things will orbit around us. The job I was meant to be in, that I would truly shine in, is probably not one that involves traveling all the time. I might need to do something I don’t like every once in a while, but if all you do is stuff you hate, your life won’t go anywhere you are truly excited about. Joy was meant to be part of the equation for us.

The place we were meant to be is a place where these things are likely to show up. They might not line up perfectly, but if you like stability, your calling will be somewhere more stable than not. If you love adventure, you will probably find something a little routine. It will feel like you’re stretching yourself out sometimes, but those preferences will still be within arm’s reach. And ultimately, you will be trading those things for a passion far deeper, so it will wind up alright in the end. 

I believe that God has a calling for everyone’s life. It may not be something huge, but He has a path that He wants each of us to walk. And I don’t believe God is a sadist. He doesn’t like watching us suffer, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes that’s the only way we can see where we are headed. But it isn’t something He really likes putting us through. I believe that He’s the one that gave us the need for fulfillment, and that those preferences are little clues that tell us where fulfillment will find us. At the end of the day, He wants us to shine with the preferences that He gave us. He just doesn’t want us to be controlled by them, thinking that we need them all the time to be happy. 

So what is it you prefer in life? What are you hiding behind, and what are you trying to keep out? As you start to break down those barriers, be on the lookout for deeper motivations. Do you love helping people? Do you love spontaneity? Take note when those moments rise up like a fire inside of you. Examine them, study them and dissect them! Then you will slowly find your way to your happily ever after

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.