#5 Routine

As I reflect on all the things that a normal life (or any life worth living) is not, I’d say the biggest one is stagnant. When we write our “happily ever after’s,” we think of a character riding off into the sunset, with the rest of their lives being sunshine and rainbows. We act like happily ever after is a destination. It’s almost like it’s a place we expect to arrive at. And although there are aspects of life that settle (especially on the inside,) a real life is anything but stagnant. As much as we paint it otherwise, happily ever after is, in some ways, a starting point of its own. The end of your story is often no more than the starting line of the path you were meant to walk. It’s a clearing of the ruckus in your head and the realization of where you want to be. It’s the energy it takes to start your new life. 

I used to think my ideal point was one where I could live on autopilot. I had several times where I thought I was in my happily ever after, so I coasted into a perfect routine. Well, even in the most ordinary of lives, things are always changing. You might not have irregular hours, fluid social circles, or a calendar filled to the brim, but living a rinse-and-repeat life where nothing changes is a problem. But as I got more into maintenance, I got used to every day being something different. I embraced the freshness of it all, and I began to learn that I had been hiding behind a routine for safety. When I wasn’t sure what needed to be done, I would do the same old thing over and over again. When I was lost or stuck, I’d do what I did yesterday. And the day before, and the day before that. 

Don’t get me wrong: I still love consistency. I always will. But it’s something that’s easy to hide behind. It’s like a big shield. You will have times where you need to defend yourself, to fortify what you have to prepare for something new. But there may be other times when you need to strike, and that strike may require you to move your shield from in front of your face. I know I once reached a point where I was surrounded, controlled by fear and insecurity. So I hid in my routines, saying to myself “well, I can do this one thing right, I’ll just keep doing the same thing over and over, and everything will be alright.” 

To understand this idea better, I use my drummer-brain. Music nowadays is highly repetitive. I don’t mind it, but a good drummer isn’t stuck in a loop, he rides it. Routine is like a drum loop. It stays relatively similar, but when it’s time to switch it up, a good drummer is ready to make the shift. And though he may need to write a chaotic bridge to transition, he knows he will be right back in another loop before he knows it. But it’s his loop. He controls the ebbs and flows of the repetition, not the other way around. Routine is a gift, but it’s important not to get so attached to the gift that you forget that you are the gift-maker. Whether it’s a job and its schedule, your hobbies, extracurriculars, or anything in between, nothing stays the same on its own. But if you are like me, and love the idea of having life repeat itself, there’s always room to write a new rhythm in the changes of life. Write the song of your life and always be open to new things. 

That was something that I really have had to work on this year: new things. I’m not a fan of the new. I much prefer the tried-and-true; the thing that has already been proven. I prefer the ways that we already know work over anything else. That just seems wise and safe to me. But change is always a part of the equation. We will all face a day unscripted, a situation that calls for us to do something different, to bring about change. We need to accept this and be prepared when new things come. That way we don’t get bent out of shape trying to keep the change from coming. We can accept that it’s here and do what we must to roll with the punches.

And the reason I started to accept this is because I started to realize: what is growth, but another word for change? You’re changing from someone who didn’t know something, into someone that does! And growth has always been something that I have valued. But I was juggling the need to stay in the safe lane and the need to grow and develop. And although there are good and bad ways to grow, the process usually involves putting yourself into new situations. Change is a normal part of life, an inevitable part of life. Even those, like me, who enjoy a little repetition will see changes throughout their years. The trick is to learn how to embrace it and own it. In due time, we need to learn to rise above it. The sooner we can accept the ever-flowing song of life, the sooner we can begin to ride it like a wave, moving it towards our goals and dreams in the most efficient way possible. 

So take some time to think about the things you are hiding from. What changes are you struggling to accept, and how are they holding you back? Reflect on this and anything else that may have stood out to you from this post. Reflect on them and learn to accept life as it comes to you. In due time, you will be a life-drummer too, writing the song of your life to ultimately create the most beautiful melody ever known to man. I pray this post finds you well, and that you have grown in wisdom and clarity.

Until next time

May peace be your guide.