The aged dreamer

Lately, I have been thinking about the journey into maturity. A buddy of mine used to say the exciting part of being an adult is that you can be anything. The scary part is that you can’t be everything. We dream a lot of dreams as kids. Some we chase with all our hearts, bringing them to life no matter the cost. Others, sadly, fade away. I remember I used to want to be a rockstar. I wasn’t really serious about it, I just really liked music. Something deeper and way more real was growing in me, though: the desire to settle down. I just wanted a quiet, normal life; my happily ever after. 

The more time passed, the more I wanted to see this dream come to pass. I have had to grow in my understanding of this dream, shaping and tweaking it as I grow, but a lot of that dream has come to life. And while I’m far from done dreaming, I can’t help but ask myself: what comes next? Where do we go when we have all the things we’ve dreamed for? Do we keep adding boxes to be checked off? Do we just keep dreaming up new dreams til we die, or is there more to be had than this endless cycle? 

I think the answer is a little of both. There’s nothing wrong with starting new things, no matter how old you are. In fact, I think there’s something beautiful about fresh beginnings in later years of life. 

Beautiful. 

There’s a word that’s key to understanding where we go next. Yes, it’s a wonderful thing to have fresh goals and to create something new in the world, but we also have to see the beauty in what we’ve already accomplished. We need to learn to appreciate the places we were, especially compared to the places we are now. We need to remember those dark pits, those times when we wanted something so bad because it felt so out of reach. Then we need to appreciate the dreams we have achieved before we conjure up new ones. We need to be grateful, lest we become addicts of the cycle. 

And what better way is there to be grateful than to grow in the dreams we have planted? Dreams aren’t a checklist, they’re a tree. They’re a living thing that needs to be tended to. Because a dream is ever-growing, ever-changing and ever-evolving as you pour yourself into it. You come to learn why you dreamed of it in the first place. You rewrite that why as you learn to sustain it. And hopefully, if it’s built well, you see the foundations of something that will outlive you. 

How do we do that, though? How do we get better at the thing we once dreamed of when we have achieved what we want to achieve? I think the more important question is how do we motivate ourselves to grow in the dreams we’ve planted. I’m sure we can all find a way to be better at the things we set our minds to. Trouble is, those minds have to be motivated to set to those dreams. How, then, do we set those minds to nurturing those dreams? 

I think it starts with appreciation. I don’t know about you, but I tend to run off of the thrill of achievement. I get excited when I get the dream job. When the dream job isn’t new and exciting anymore, I focus on writing a book. When the book is out and published, maybe I need to write another book, or save a certain amount of money. Whatever the goal is, I’m chasing after it. I love seeing those impossible things come to pass. 

Trouble is, I tend to get amnesia. I forget about all the times I’ve seen those impossible things happen and want to see it again. Again, there’s nothing wrong with moving forward. We just need to remember not to neglect what we already have. I think the greatest key to doing that is to remind ourselves of our lives before that dream. Remember your single days when your spouse annoys you. Remember the days when you were poor if you’re rich. Remember the burn, the ache, that wish upon a star for things to change. Remember what it was like to want it so badly. Hopefully that will spur you back on to continue to grow. 

As far as actually growing in those dreams, I think the best advice I can give is to seek out the experts. Find people that are good at what you want to be good at and spend time with them. If you can, get as involved in their lives as much as possible. I have heard a lot of people tell others to get coffee with people. That’s great, but it isn’t enough. If you live life alongside them, you’ll become like them. You’ll pick up their habits and soak up their vibe. There’s something about simply being around someone that affects you on a level far deeper than you might realize. And if you can find someone that nurtures their dreams well, you’ll pick that up from them. In no time at all, you’ll be growing the dreams you once built with a love and care that someone else will want to follow one day.

I think sometimes we neglect our dreams because we have to face a truth we don’t like: nurturing the dreams can suck. Yeah, I said it. It isn’t always fun and games. Chasing the next high is fun. There’s a reward from getting the next raise, or buying the bigger house. It’s exhilarating. The old thing we already have, on the other hand, can be boring. After all, we already have it. That’s all there is to it. That’s the end of the story. 

Isn’t it kind of sad that this is how we think sometimes? We really do act like it’s all over when we check the right boxes. We get what we want and move on to the next thing. Or, scarily enough: the next person. Yeah, we even treat people like this sometimes. We look for someone that meets the needs we have at that moment. Then when we need something else, we just walk away from them. We say things like, “if they were the right person, they’d be there for me.” Or, “I guess they weren’t meant to be in my life anymore.” Sometimes, we Christians do this too. We talk about how people are there to test us. We wave people away by saying that God is weeding them out of our lives. All this, because we don’t want to be there when things get rough. 

Look, I get it–no one wants to go through hard times. They aren’t exactly what we call fun. I also don’t think that any of the reasons I just gave are bad ones. You might have someone in your path who is testing you. There might be someone that God is weeding out of your life. My point is we shouldn’t use these sayings flippantly. We should learn to stick things out when it’s hard. We should be willing to tough it out through the nights of our dreams. Because when we do, we’ll taste a brighter, deeper, more beautiful morning that we could have possibly imagined. 

So get out there and make wise friends. Spend time with people moving in the right direction and develop a deeper, richer love for the dreams you once burned for. Continue to breathe life into them every day and you will reap a greater and greater reward.

Until Next Time

May Peace be your Guide.