The day after battle

Everybody talks about the day of the battle. We get excited about the rise and fall of conflict, the heroes and their struggles to prevail. But we always end the story when the day is won and the events are over. We act like that’s all there is to it. Events happen, then that’s it. But there’s as much story to be told in the aftermath as in the battle itself. There’s more to be told of a person after they fight than in the midst of combat. It’s a strange thing, really. One minute, we are ready to take on the world, the next, a simple grain of sand could overtake us. Are we suddenly less courageous? Are we supposed to believe that we are so weak from the war that we lack the energy to be strong? Or is there something in us that was there from the beginning? 

Often, we will say we are simply tired. “I’m just wiped out, it’s been a rough week.” We might say to defend ourselves. But is that the case? Are we truly “tired from the battle,” or is there more battle to be fought? “But, the conflict has ceased, everything’s back to normal!” You might say to yourself. But you’d be wrong. When people die, we often say that they aren’t really dead. We often say things like “they still live on in our hearts, as long as we remember them.” If a loved one can live on inside of us, can’t an enemy do so as well? Perhaps you pushed them away physically, but if they still have an impact, that enemy is still in the fight. 

Let’s suppose I had a guest come into my home. This person secretly didn’t like me, so when I’m not looking, he breaks my table, smashes my mugs and sprints out the door. When I turn back around, I find him gone and my belongings destroyed. Sure, that man has left my house, but the effects of his malicious visit still linger. I still have to go out and replace what was broken and replenish the funds it took to do so. It's a battle after the battle. 

When I say it like this, it seems obvious. But how many times do we simply “walk it off” like nothing happened? We don’t sit down to let the events register. We don’t let all the stress run its course, so it sits like a soda can in our chests, ready to explode if we shake it up. We rejoice or mourn when the fat lady sings, and then move on with our lives. On to the next event, on to the next battle. There’s something wrong with that. We need to capture our enemies, lock them up in chains and throw them in the dungeon! We must subdue those who rise up against us in order to truly vanquish them for good. 

But this is not a call to self-pity. I’m not saying you should spoil yourself rotten after every rough day. That would lead to a cycle of increasing self-indulgence. That’s a slope more greasy and slick than a fresh order from Burger King. What I am suggesting is a time to decompress, not de-stress. Think of it like debriefing a mission when it’s over. I usually take some time to write down the events that just unfolded, the things I could have done better and the things I did well. I follow it up with the thoughts left said and the feelings left unprocessed. Everything I felt at that moment but needed to swallow down to function now gets its chance to bubble up and over and out of my life forever. They aren’t welcome to live in my head, so I have to call them out for eviction. 

It’s also important to think through your takeaways. When the storm comes, the most helpful thing you can do is evaluate what you are learning from it. Pain is there for a reason and you have to dig deep and figure out what it is. I often pray about it. Perhaps there was something you feel called out on, maybe something you did wrong. Maybe the only thing you are doing wrong is being so hard on yourself. It’s up to you to find those answers. But don’t let your pain go to waste. Don’t let this part of the battle go unfought. The first few days after a battle are another part of that battle. Take some time to shift your perspective. Think of it like a hike. The climb can often be tough. But once you get to the top and see the view, you get the feeling that you have arrived. You made it to the destination and it’s all over now. But there’s still a journey back down. Have you ever tried to walk downhill? It’s not always a breeze. You have to control your steps just as much as when you were climbing upward. Otherwise you will go tumbling all the way down. You may even be at a greater risk for injury than when you were going up! 

Take time to acknowledge the downward march. Rehash the battle that was just fought. Shed your tears and face your fears, but don’t use them as an excuse to coat your problems in a few layers of glossy sugar. Coping mechanisms won’t save you and the wrong habits will deprave you. Bring yourself down the right way and you will remain on your feet to fight another day.

Until our next meeting

May Peace be your guide.