Trust

What does it mean to be worthy of trust?

I feel like when people talk about trust, we talk about whether or not someone means well (oh boy, here I go again.) “I trust them with my life” we often say. But are they capable with your life? Pictures of The Lion King flash in my head. Sure, a good friend wouldn’t plot your downfall, throwing you off a cliff to die, but would a good friend have the strength to pull you back up? To be more realistic, a good friend might have your best interest at heart, but does he have the time to help you out? He might want to help, but has to work two jobs to pay his own bills, so doesn’t have time. What do you do with those kinds of people? 

Sometimes the wisest thing to do is to keep the incapable in a similar box as the untrustworthy. As I always say, I wouldn’t have a high schooler operate on my spine, he’s just not qualified for that! In the same manner, I wouldn’t ask someone drowning in debt for financial advice, and I wouldn’t ask a college dropout for studying tips! It’s not that I have anything against such people, it’s simply the fact that the odds are pretty good that they will steer me wrong. You have to ask yourself if someone is qualified to give you advice on certain topics, whether they mean well or not. 

The way I always look at it is to look at the life the person leads. Do you want to end up there? Because that is where they will wind up taking you. Whether you like them or not, doing what they do will get you to where they are. Even when they are telling you to avoid the mistakes they made, oftentimes they don’t have a positive alternative to run to, it is simply “avoid this.” Sheesh! Getting advice seems like a tricky thing, doesn’t it?

But my goal isn’t just to convince you to stop taking advice, what I am trying to do is encourage you against taking bad advice. I have had a few well-meaning people that have steered me wrong, setting back months of progress. After seeing it happen once or twice, I started questioning their advice. Most people accused me of being defiant. They basically said I was being a hot-headed little snot. I think it’s good to have a dialogue with someone who is trying to give advice. You need to pick their brains about things so that you can truly understand the situation, rather than simply getting an answer to your problem. 

The caveat to this is that the dialogue must be had respectfully. I’m not giving you a pass to give grandpa a verbal lashing. No, that’s not how this works. You have to find a way to pick his brains without making him seem like an idiot.Be open to the idea that you might be wrong, but make him prove it. You have to find a way to respectfully show that you disagree. But, most importantly, you both need to focus on the why. Maybe one time a mechanic friend told you to make sure you get your oil changed every 3,000 miles. He’s a mechanic, so he knows best, right? Well, maybe he came to that conclusion because your car was older and needed better care compared to your neighbor who has a brand new car. The situation has changed, so maybe the advice has. It all boils down to gaining true understanding. You may never become a car expert. You might always need to go to your mechanic friend for advice. But you can always become a little bit better than you were yesterday. You can always understand things a little more.

 Another thing you can do to make wise choices is to ask multiple people. In school, we were always taught not to trust one source for a fact, but let it be confirmed by several others. Go to a second friend, ask the same questions, and see if you get a similar answer. Better yet: try to get the second friend to explain his why as well! If he disagrees with the first friend, ask why. Try to understand what is going on in your situation, and why someone would say certain things, and why they would tell you to take certain actions. Maybe the difference of opinion is just personal preference. Maybe you have two good decisions to choose between. The goal of getting advice is not to have someone make a decision for you, but to understand your situation better so that you can make a better decision for yourself. 

Oh, and if you’re getting your oil changed, don’t trust the oil-changing guys. Never trust the oil-changing guys. 

So that’s that. I hope I have offered you insight on how to take advice, how I take advice, and how you can make wiser decisions. Always keep up with insight, and always try to better yourself so that you can make better decisions for yourself. 

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.