#4 What is Courage?

I don’t think I could do a series on fear without talking about courage. What is courage, anyway? I feel like the term gets tossed around in a bunch of different ways. Some talk about courage as being completely without fear. We often use the word “courageous” interchangeably with the word “fearless,” as if not being scared of something is even remotely the same as being bold in the face of danger. Today I am going to highlight the differences between fearless and courageous in order to paint a better picture of what we should be striving for. 

I can say with confidence that I don’t have a fear of spiders. It’s simply not in me. I don’t have a rational reason or an argument as to why such a fear is silly, I just don’t get nervous when I see a spider. I have met many that have this fear, and I don’t get it. If one of these friends came to me and begged me to charge into their basement and eradicate a horde of those eight-legged menaces, I would do it in a heartbeat. Sure, one or two might make their way onto me and tickle me a bit, but I wouldn’t get the same heart-pounding, mind-racing sensation my friend might have. The question, then, becomes: was I courageous to do this for my friend, even though I wasn’t scared in the first place? 

If you think about it, both answers seem a bit odd. On the one hand, if I said that I was courageous, that would mean that courage has nothing to do with fear at all! Maybe we could appeal to objective threats like being bitten, having an allergic reaction, and so on, but even then, that rules out a lot of common phobias like that of spiders and cockroaches. Then it must be that courage is facing what intimidates us inside, right? 

Well, if that’s the case, then what of the threats we don’t perceive? If I’m not afraid to use my chainsaw in my backyard when no one is home, does that mean that I’m not really courageous? I used to have a saying “if you don’t know the risks you are taking, you aren’t courageous, you’re just stupid. Only when you understand what might go wrong, can you truly become courageous.” Could we say this is still accurate? 

It almost feels as though we should say something like “courage is overcoming what we ought to be afraid of.” But then we must ask: who gets to decide what we ought to be afraid of? The problem we are facing is this: we want to have the best of both worlds. Imagine it like a smoke detector: we want to be able to say that courage is overcoming the alarm that was sounded, along with the reason it went off in the first place. We want to be able to overcome the smoke, along with that loud beeping coming from the ceiling.

So what do we do? Can we define courage at all, or is it just something we have to write off as an illusion? I think to answer this, I am going to have to get a bit abstract for a second. I think the way to go is to say that courage is facing a potential threat with full awareness of it. In other words, if I step onto the highway at 2am because I think it’s a clear, empty road, I’m not courageous, I’m just stupid. But if I see them and go anyway to help my friend who is losing a fist fight, that’s bravery. And back to our spider-killing story, if I brush off my friend's words of warning and rush headlong into an entire army of spiders, I’m not a knight in shining armor, I’m a hasty nincompoop! But if I listened to my friend, and heard the fact that there are several spiders in their basement, one of which may even be pregnant, then go in anyway, that’s bravery. 

This might sound like splitting hairs, but it gives us a better goal to strive for in our own lives. We often praise those that feel no fear, calling them the mighty ones. We treat it like a big deal to call someone “fearless,” as if that’s what we should be as well. But this ideal is far more of a problem than a solution. You see, everyone feels fear. We all get scared sometimes. It might pop up in different places for different people, but we all feel it. But we escalate the issue by holding the fearless one up on a pedestal, because it gives us a reason to beat ourselves up when fear comes knocking. We lose the ability to fight fear because we get stuck beating ourselves up over the fact that we are afraid. Instead, we should be able to say “I can feel whatever I want, but I’m still going this way.” 

So courage demands that we become aware of our surroundings. It necessitates that we evaluate the risk that we are getting into. I think that makes sense, does it not? Think about the last time you were afraid of something. Whether you chose fight or flight, didn’t you find your awareness shutting down just a little? Isn’t it just a little bit harder to focus with everything going on around you? It seems like it makes sense that the opposite of this eye-closing feeling is to open them wide, right? It seems to make sense that the opposite of letting the warning signs run the show is to control your own flow. 

But up until now, I have been referring more to phobias: the simple things that plague our everyday lives. Let’s dig a little deeper, shall we? I have often heard it said that someone is courageous for facing their past. Is this something that we could call an act of courage? Is reaching to turn the smoke detector off when there is no smoke equally courageous? I’m inclined to say yes. 

When it comes to our emotions, there are typically two responses to our own pasts: those who say that your fear is absolutely a threat; and those who say it is absolutely not a threat. The problem I see is that we need to look outside of this narrow box. Yes, if I walk into the gym and start to panic, I need to reach a point where I realize the reality that no one is out to get me. However, getting there may take some time and effort. It will probably be uncomfortable trying to relive the memories that have gotten me to this point. To the brain, you are going back into that place, to that danger that could have done you serious harm. But that’s why we must go there: to remind the brain that we survived. The battle was won and you were the victor! No matter what any guru tells you, you can become the conqueror. Sometimes it just takes a little time. 

And that gap between the real world and how you are feeling is always worth examining. The sheer panic I feel when I see even a picture of a bee is not normal. It’s not welcome, and I should not be feeling this way. I don’t mean to say that I am condemning myself, but this is the brain’s equivalent of having a broken arm. I have fear responses that warn me to real threats, and it is instead crippling me over something as harmless as a bee! It’s this gap that we must take the time to examine in order to live a healthy life. 

I like to keep things short and sweet, so I’ll wrap things up here. The big takeaway is this: stay aware of your life. Deepen your understanding of yourself and how you function. Take some inventory of the things you are afraid of, and take a second look at them. Pick one and really dig deep into it. Learn to take calculated risks so that you can become the master of fear. Because sometimes, the thing you need to do the most can be a wee bit scary. But it must be done nonetheless, for you to lead the life you have always dreamed of. I pray this post has enriched your understanding of fear and courage. I pray you nurture the courage into the lion it was born to be, so that you can go out and change the world.

Until next time

May Peace be your guide.